Reunion Fever

This year will be chock full of Rock and Roll reunions. And the summer tour schedule is ripe with 50-60 year old men who have something yet to prove or just want to cash in. Here's a partial list
1) The Police- Sting gets off his high boring horse to commemorate 30 years in the biz with an appearance at the Grammy Awards this Sunday . I'm sure they will do a medley that will no doubt include Roxanne and Every Breath You Take. I'd love to hear So Lonely and Born in the Fifties. A tour has not been announced but Andy and Stewart need the bread because Sting owns most of the publishing.

2) Van Halen - This is by far the most puzzling reunion because after all these years, we get Diamond Dave on the mic but no Michael Anthony strutting around in an orange jumpsuit thumping the Jack Daniels bass. Eddie shut him out of it all in favor of his fat teenage son Wolfgang. VH fans scratch their heads everywhere. Eddie just smokes another cig thru his cancerous tongue and fingertaps his way to the summer shed prize money. DLR better not try to fit into the fringed white spandex and the cowhide chaps. Hes almost 60.

3) Black Sabbath with Ronnie James Dio.---Yeah! I love Ozzy, but Dio still has it at age 65! Heaven and Hell it is being called most likely because Sharon got her tits in a tiff. The Mob Rules is one of the most ferocious metal tunes of all time and I cannot wait to hear it live. Mr. Dio will flash his devil horns thru 3 albums worth of material. Dehumanizer anyone?

4) Genesis-This one is not getting as much press as the others and that is most likely because Phil Collins just pissed alot of his fans off by phoning in Disney (s)hits for the last decade. I will most likely not be in attendance because they couldn't get Pete Gabriel to come out of the forest to join the tour. Besides that's too many shiny bald heads on one stage.

5) Speaking of bald heads...Billy Corgan and Jimmy Chamberlain are making an album. Disinterested James Iha and rehabilitated D'arcy are not invited. Lets hope Billy brings the fucking guitars again and leaves Flood and his sequencers at home. He still has the ability to rock many worlds in one place.

Rage against the Machine and Crowded House are reuniting as well. I could not care less. Tom Morello is the most over rated guitarist of all time and I'm all Zach-ed out.

See you in the expensive seats this summer!