The Scariest Album Covers Ever

I can't sleep, my feet are corpse cold and I'm forcing myself to blog about something Halloween-centric.Yet its been hard to get into the spirit of this candy coated holiday. We haven't been invited to an adult costume parties because most of the adults are "doing it for the kids" these days. I wouldn't mind bobbing for apples in a big tub of Jagermeister and yawning at all of the Kate Gosselin and Dead Michael Jackson costumes while I'm at it. But as we get older it seems that we put our kids in in the Halloween spotlight.....sooooo....    I am slightly peeved that my son's school does not "celebrate" Halloween. They are having an event called "The Fall Festival" in all of the early childhood classes...While the older kids do get to celebrate with costumes and monitored revelry, the toddlers do not. Could it be that in the opinion of the administration that 3 and 4 year olds should not be reminded of anything that might scare them in any way? (ie seeing their classmates dressed up as elmos, spidermen, princesses and octomoms? I don't get it? There will be some songs sung and a celebration of the change of season, but not one candy corn on the premises.  I think it would be ok to gently scare the little ones if it was done with laughter and not pure fear. Daddy looks pretty scary the morning after bobbing for Jager apples and that might have to be good enough for me this year.

So I did a list last year of the top scariest songs and this year I'm going with album covers this year...without further explanation, I present the Scariest Album Covers Ever.

 Danzig-Danzig

A classic and simple graphic of a shadowy horned skull still sends chills. It also keeps many tattoo artists in business.

Black Sabbath-Born Again

Devil Babies are so cute! When you burp them, little flames get coughed out. Their diapers are always full of human remains and poop that looks like hellflame ash, so be careful..those little nuggets are like shit cinders. Hot!Hot! Hot! I couldn't find one lousy lullaby on this album though,which left me with one cranky little Beelzubaby.

High On Fire-Surrounded By Thieves

A horde of red eyed, netherworldly viking demons charging through fire with axe and spear...right at you. The start of a really bad day. Demons need a hearty breakfast or they get all bunged up and start apocalypses.

The Beatles-Sgt. Peppers

Nostalgia brings up scary memories of me being 8 or 9 and already knowing about the abundance of alleged death symbolism on this album cover. I remember seeing the floating hand hovering over Paul's head and getting freaked so bad that I would run past the stereo system in the room if I was alone in the house. That creshendo of epic strings at the end of A Day In the Life didn't help either.

Lynyrd Skynyrd-Street Survivors(original cover)

The image of the band lined up on a street that is engulfed in flames was an eerie foreshadowing of what was to come with the plane crash that ended the lives of Ronnie, Steve and Cassie. This posthumous release in 1977 also contained the song "That Smell" which touted the dangers of self destruction as a warning. Yet it was impossible for the band to prepare itself for what happened. The look in Steve Gaines' eyes  (center) as his head is wrapped in fire is enough to scare the daylights out of anyone. The cover was of course, redone before its release , with the omission of flames and the band shrouded in black.

This is the fucking scariest album cover of all time. I'm shrieking with a slight lisp right now, but still scared shitless. Its so campy, so tongue in cheek, right Glamboat? I'm scared for you, scared you'll be doing shopping mall gigs and holiday variety shows chock full of the dregs on the d-list  from where you came.

Alrighty then girls and ghouls! Send me your own personal choices and be sure to include the graphic if you can!

Happy Hollow Weenies everyone!

Most Overrated Albums

First of all...RIP Les Paul. The man invented multi-track recording and one of the best sounding guitars in history. He played live every monday night in NYC. He was 94.He will be missed by anyone who knows what rock and roll is.

Les Paul is not to blame for any of the albums on this list. He only came up with the technology all of those years ago for some of these pompous musicians to lay this ca-ca down to tape.

Most of the albums on this list came from a thread in progress on one of my favorite websites: The Velvet Rope, where I have lurked for many years. This is not a personal list because Coldplay would take up 4 places and thats boring blogging. They are listed in the order they were found on the thread...not in decending levels of suckitude.

My comments/additions will come after the list.

1)Beastie Boys- Ill Communication
2)Radiohead-Hail to the Thief
3)Raconteurs-Consolers of the Lonely
4)Janes Addiction-Ritual De Lo Habitual
5)Nirvana-Nevermind
6)TV On the Radio- Return to Cookie Mountain
7)Wilco-Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
8)Hotel California-The Eagles
9)Hole-Live Through This
10)Kings Of Leon-Only By The Night
11)Fleet Foxes
12)Vampire Weekend
13)Television-Marquee Moon
14)REM-Automatic For The People
15)Anything By The Hold Steady
16)Bob Dylan-Love and Theft
17)The Strokes-first album
18)The Sex Pistols-Never Mind The Bollocks
19)Sonic Youth-Daydream Nation
20)My Bloody Valentine-Loveless
21)Captain Beefheart-Trout Mask Replica
22)Anything by Ryan Adams

Here's some of my takes on that list:
1)Beastie Boys- Not one of their strongest albums...but Liscensed to Ill is much worse, and made every tight baseball cap wearin' idiot turn into a drooling pit monster.
2)Radiohead-HTTT- My least fav Radiohead album makes the best coldplay album(oxymoron) sound like The Wiggles.
3)Janes Addiction-As I've gotten older I now see what a tool Dave Navarro was besides being an average player...but Three Days from RDLH is a masterpiece.

4)Nirvana-Nevermind : frankly sir,you are a fucking idiot. Changed millions of lives and sent every spandex wearing light metal fuckwad back to the gas stations. Oh Yeah, the songs are colossal,too.
5)TV On The Radio- Worked alongside the bass player in NYC. Never had the heart to tell him that it was unlistenable, even if David Bowie loves 'em.

6)Wilco-YHF: This was my REAL intro to Wilco while in NYC in 2001-2002 and was just what I needed to bridge the gap between classic rock and indie. Impenetrable,IMO.

7)Hole-Live Through This- I did, and it hurt. Like a brain bunion.

8)Vampire Weekend- Currently topping my list of WORST BAND OF ALL TIME. I want to hang these smarmy suckwads by their izod sweaters or stab them with vinyl shards of their own Graceland lps.

9)Fleet Foxes- This is what happens when all of those hipster mag writers don't listen to the first two My Morning Jacket Albums..they hype a sound that already happened and everyone adjusts their glasses in unison in a Brooklyn cafe and calls it brilliant. Faerie Music for down and out Faeries. Pawn -your -guitar- and buy- a mandolin- music.

10)Kings of Leon-OBTN: Lets face it. The Followills know that their first two records are brilliant restless rockers with taut rough songs on them. But it's pick up truck music. Write something like Sex on Fire with its dumbed down U2 tones and Calebs scratchy voice attached, and the panties come off much quicker, the cheerleaders cry and the money rolls in.

11)REM- Automatic for the People: More like Automatic for the Exits for me. Why buy anything after Lifes Rich Pageant? I liked it better when I couldn't understand Stipe's struggling with his sexuality lyrics.

12)Bob Dylan-Love and Theft-I give up on the critics who laud this album: I think it won album of the year. I'm beginning to think Bob gargles with sand before his vocal takes because he knows how horrid it sounds. He 's just testing the Dylan lemmings to see how low he can go with his "masterpieces".

13)Anything by Ryan Adams: Yes, finally I agree. Prolific can also mean rushed,bland as christian folk and not worthy of any hype level past a local battle of the bands winner.

14)The Strokes- Faux sloppy and forgetful. The second coming of nothing in 2002.

I would like to add:

1)Anything by Pavement: The attitude of Vampire Weekend from decades past. Wordy,Nerdy and mindnumbingly dull.
2) Surprisingly: The Mars Volta. I started listening to At The Drive In Again. And realised there were several other guys in that band who probably couldn't take the pretentious prattling on of Cedric and Omar. Christ guys, even Mastodon can take it down a notch. More rock, less talk.
3) The Pixies- Never had it, never will.
4)The Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Can't get that hipster stink off no matter how many reverbs you unplug, Nick.
5)Willie Nelson- I'm sorry, crucify me. I've heard better voices from people doing sign language.

Lets hear it!