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Friday, November 20, 2009
Steel Panther: Best Ballad Ever
I am sure I'm late to the party on this one, but I finally got around to listening to the new Steel Panther CD. I broke out the red leather pants to set the mood, lathered up the legs with Canola oil, and herniated a disc trying to get them on... For those of you who don't know..Steel Panther are a very popular LA based hair metal tribute/parody band who have had a residency at the legendary Key Club on the Sunset Strip for years. They were formally known as Metal Skool and very convincingly poke fun at the glam/hair genre better than anyone. The lead singer "Michael Starr" is a versatile vox genius for emulating anyone from John Bon Jovi to Gary Cherone to David Lee Roth to a Fucking T!!! He was formerly the DLR in the very successful VH tribute band Atomic Punks .
Their new album, Feel the Steel is full of full-on raunchy songs and many of the familiar sounds and solos of the high hair metal era. When I say raunch...I mean raunch. Backstage X rated lyrics that will make you bust a gut or bust a nut. I'm such a fan, I'm under a heat lamp right now, waiting for my newly frosted blond highlights to dry as I type this.
This video is called "Community Property" from the new album. It already gets my vote for Best Ballad Ever. Better than "More Than Words", Better than "When The Children Cry"...even better than "Don't Know What You Got(Till its Gone)". I'm thinking of sucking in my cheeks for every picture taken of me from now on. I'm thinking of switching to proudly displaying "the shocker" from proudly displaying the "horns up" from now on.... that being said...the vid is not for the easily offended...but then again, if you're easily offended what the hell are you doing here?!!! Go watch 2 and 1/2 Men or something.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Wishlist of Live Rock
This morning as I perused the headlines provided by my fellow rock bloggers, I came upon an announcement by Bad Company of an imminent mini reunion tour in the UK coming in 2010... thank you Nightwatcher's House of Rock for this news. Much to the chagrin of most of my friends, I happen to love Bad Company. Paul Rodgers has always been on a top 10 list of Fav Vocalists, and even though small city rock radio staples like "Can't Get Enough" and "Feel Like Makin' Love" have ended up litter on the dirty rock highway of my brain, I can dig deep and find other songs to sing in traffic. I have probably the best Paul Rodgers voice on my block, I think, but we've been here two years and I haven't met the neighbors yet.
Then my train of thought veered off to Pelham Bay or Brighton Beach distant reaches or "Christ,we're out of milk again" then somehow came back to Paul Rodgers again and I realized that I've NEVER seen him live...not with Free(I was, like 5), Bad Co., The Firm or Queen.
Which is an insanely roundabout way to come up with my Wishlist of Live Rock. A list of artists/bands/poseurs that I've never seen live and would surely like to before I'm drooling on my arm alone in the dark hallway of a rest home, staring at the wall from my locked wheelchair, mumbling AC/DC lyrics.
The only "rule" I have with this list is that the artist must still be above ground and walking mostly upright. If he..she has to use a teleprompter, wear a colostomy bag or be held up by invisible wires, thats OK. Here goes:
1)Bad Company- no Paul with Queen, thank you. I'll keep my Freddy where I want him.
2) David Bowie-It will probably have to be at some Silicon Valley Corporate Event where they wire a couple million into his acct. He doesn't tour and he doesn't like the Hits.
3)Fleetwood Mac- Gotta see Stevie twirl those scarves, even if they're much larger now and she uses them primarily to hide her girth.
4) Jeff Beck- The closest thing to a living guitar God whom still roams the earth, besides..he never has a singer and it will be all notes, no banter and no Rod Stewart standards.
5) Big Star- Power pop was put on the map because of them, three of them are still alive and almost all of their songs are brilliant.
6) Lou Reed- One of the legendary curmudgeons of rock, who always has a great band when he tours. Even if he hates every member of the audience, I'd still go in hopes of hearing anything off of Berlin or Coney Island Baby.
7) Alice Cooper- For the shock, the origin of shock, the shock of the snake and guillotine, and the shock of a golf semi-pro in greasepaint belting out "Under My Wheels".
8) Danzig- The guy was in the Misfits! He's a hulky little elf with a punk/Elvis delivery. What's not to like?
9) Iron Maiden/ Judas Priest- The absolute tragedy of such a closet metal head as me not having seen these two giants is so comical, that I've lumped them together like 2 spikes on a wrist bracelet, in hopes of seeing them tour together and for the encore bring "Eddie" out in nothing but leather chaps riding a Harley.
10) Bruce Springsteen- I hated Bruce for years for no real reason except that the over perfumed cheerleader with a chirpy voice that sat next to me in drafting class in 8th grade was a fan...and that's not enough.
Honorable mentions: Prince,Ween, Van Morrison, Steely Dan, High On Fire, The Kinks, John Fogerty, Kraftwerk, Echo and the Bunnymen, Loverboy, Neko Case,The Pretenders, Blackmore's Night(never seen Richie), The Sex Pistols, Roxy Music, Slayer, Son Volt, Stevie Wonder, Dream Theater, Insane Clown Posse, High School Musical, R. Kelly and Wayne Newton.
Yes, I would like to see your lists as well. Thank you very much.....
Then my train of thought veered off to Pelham Bay or Brighton Beach distant reaches or "Christ,we're out of milk again" then somehow came back to Paul Rodgers again and I realized that I've NEVER seen him live...not with Free(I was, like 5), Bad Co., The Firm or Queen.
Which is an insanely roundabout way to come up with my Wishlist of Live Rock. A list of artists/bands/poseurs that I've never seen live and would surely like to before I'm drooling on my arm alone in the dark hallway of a rest home, staring at the wall from my locked wheelchair, mumbling AC/DC lyrics.
The only "rule" I have with this list is that the artist must still be above ground and walking mostly upright. If he..she has to use a teleprompter, wear a colostomy bag or be held up by invisible wires, thats OK. Here goes:
1)Bad Company- no Paul with Queen, thank you. I'll keep my Freddy where I want him.
2) David Bowie-It will probably have to be at some Silicon Valley Corporate Event where they wire a couple million into his acct. He doesn't tour and he doesn't like the Hits.
3)Fleetwood Mac- Gotta see Stevie twirl those scarves, even if they're much larger now and she uses them primarily to hide her girth.
4) Jeff Beck- The closest thing to a living guitar God whom still roams the earth, besides..he never has a singer and it will be all notes, no banter and no Rod Stewart standards.
5) Big Star- Power pop was put on the map because of them, three of them are still alive and almost all of their songs are brilliant.
6) Lou Reed- One of the legendary curmudgeons of rock, who always has a great band when he tours. Even if he hates every member of the audience, I'd still go in hopes of hearing anything off of Berlin or Coney Island Baby.
7) Alice Cooper- For the shock, the origin of shock, the shock of the snake and guillotine, and the shock of a golf semi-pro in greasepaint belting out "Under My Wheels".
8) Danzig- The guy was in the Misfits! He's a hulky little elf with a punk/Elvis delivery. What's not to like?
9) Iron Maiden/ Judas Priest- The absolute tragedy of such a closet metal head as me not having seen these two giants is so comical, that I've lumped them together like 2 spikes on a wrist bracelet, in hopes of seeing them tour together and for the encore bring "Eddie" out in nothing but leather chaps riding a Harley.
10) Bruce Springsteen- I hated Bruce for years for no real reason except that the over perfumed cheerleader with a chirpy voice that sat next to me in drafting class in 8th grade was a fan...and that's not enough.
Honorable mentions: Prince,Ween, Van Morrison, Steely Dan, High On Fire, The Kinks, John Fogerty, Kraftwerk, Echo and the Bunnymen, Loverboy, Neko Case,The Pretenders, Blackmore's Night(never seen Richie), The Sex Pistols, Roxy Music, Slayer, Son Volt, Stevie Wonder, Dream Theater, Insane Clown Posse, High School Musical, R. Kelly and Wayne Newton.
Yes, I would like to see your lists as well. Thank you very much.....
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Krist Novoselic : How I Met Dave Grohl
Great article from the Seattle Weekly: Krist talks about Dave...and we all reminisce ..
Something dawned on me when I was reading Sunday's New York Times: Dave Grohl is the greatest rock musician in the world today. Don't believe me? The man is dominating November music releases. Here we go: Nirvana's Reading DVD, Foo Fighters' Greatest Hits, and new work with Them Crooked Vultures.
Since we are talking about drummers and this November's rock music releases, I would be remiss not to mention Chad Channing and his work on Nirvana's Bleach re-issue. It's good to see Chad get his due as a drummer. His great work speaks for itself. There was a time between Bleach and Nevermind when Nirvana was drummerless. And the story has been told about how Dave joined Nirvana because the band Scream was stuck in North Hollywood.
I remember going to the airport and picking this dude up. He was easygoing--just like some guy named Paul McCartney told the Times. He brought up his drum set--a yellow TAMA with a 26" kick. The man understood John Bonham (Led Zeppelin) and Dale Crover (the Melvins), and this kick proved it. We wasted no time and rehearsed the next day. I knew Dave was coming, so beforehand I'd found a rehearsal place in Tacoma's north end.
It was a productive session, but the next night Kurt and I just messed around at practice for some reason. We all left together, and I could feel that Dave was a little distressed. That shows his serious work ethic. Don't get me wrong, Nirvana had a good work ethic, but perhaps Dave was feeling a little remorse at that moment for betting it all on these two guys from Washington.
We got into the groove again and played most nights. We already had songs like "In Bloom" and "Polly" from the session we did with Chad. They were well developed and benefited from the recording we did with Butch Vig in Madison, Wisc. There's a heavy version of "Polly" that shows what the band did with the tune with Dave on the drums. But on Nevermind, that's Chad, recorded in Madison, on the crash cymbal.
Kurt loved writing songs. He was always compelled to create, and the new tunes just kept coming. We kicked around this Pixies-like riff, and the tune "Smells Like Teen Spirit" was born. The band started playing shows, too. Along the way we became a tight unit. And playing together was as easy as it was fun.
For me, the years 1990 to 1994 seem like 10 years. So much went on, and of course so much went wrong. But life went on after Nirvana. I love the Foo Fighters. Dave kept that work ethic and focus, and that's why he's the greatest rock musician in the world today.
Krist Novoselic: How I Met Dave Grohl, the Biggest Guy in Rock and Roll
By Krist Novoselic in Krist Novoselic
Tuesday, Nov. 17 2009 @ 12:52PM
 |
| Dave Grohl, right, with his Them Crooked Vultures bandmate: John Paul Jones (left), and Josh Homme. Krist Novoselic is a regular contributor to Reverb. |
Since we are talking about drummers and this November's rock music releases, I would be remiss not to mention Chad Channing and his work on Nirvana's Bleach re-issue. It's good to see Chad get his due as a drummer. His great work speaks for itself. There was a time between Bleach and Nevermind when Nirvana was drummerless. And the story has been told about how Dave joined Nirvana because the band Scream was stuck in North Hollywood.
I remember going to the airport and picking this dude up. He was easygoing--just like some guy named Paul McCartney told the Times. He brought up his drum set--a yellow TAMA with a 26" kick. The man understood John Bonham (Led Zeppelin) and Dale Crover (the Melvins), and this kick proved it. We wasted no time and rehearsed the next day. I knew Dave was coming, so beforehand I'd found a rehearsal place in Tacoma's north end.
It was a productive session, but the next night Kurt and I just messed around at practice for some reason. We all left together, and I could feel that Dave was a little distressed. That shows his serious work ethic. Don't get me wrong, Nirvana had a good work ethic, but perhaps Dave was feeling a little remorse at that moment for betting it all on these two guys from Washington.
We got into the groove again and played most nights. We already had songs like "In Bloom" and "Polly" from the session we did with Chad. They were well developed and benefited from the recording we did with Butch Vig in Madison, Wisc. There's a heavy version of "Polly" that shows what the band did with the tune with Dave on the drums. But on Nevermind, that's Chad, recorded in Madison, on the crash cymbal.
Kurt loved writing songs. He was always compelled to create, and the new tunes just kept coming. We kicked around this Pixies-like riff, and the tune "Smells Like Teen Spirit" was born. The band started playing shows, too. Along the way we became a tight unit. And playing together was as easy as it was fun.
For me, the years 1990 to 1994 seem like 10 years. So much went on, and of course so much went wrong. But life went on after Nirvana. I love the Foo Fighters. Dave kept that work ethic and focus, and that's why he's the greatest rock musician in the world today.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Review: Them Crooked Vultures
Vultures in nature are often depicted as shady scavengers, lying in wait on vague branches, shadows on a heat bleached scenic palate, circling to a natural metronome. Their move is never the first, but most certainly the last in a convulsive and passionate burst of activity as they lunge for their comfort foods.
Them Crooked Vultures, on their self- titled debut are indeed as crooked as they come, with an effortlessly manic, yet ferociously forthright display of hunger, power and need. These bulky songs, tucked under dirty wings have no patience to hold back, allowing themselves to briskly swoop down and pick them bones clean with a carnal, yet sexy intensity. We have been blessed with an uneasy and relentless rock album.
Here is a smeared Polaroid(found under a hotel bed) of each song :
No One Loves Me and Neither Do I: Two lost souls meander back to a flea-bit flophouse and mumble beer breath sonnets to each other until they end up in a bloody tumble of self deprecation and sex. A monster of a riff break as the money shot escapes. One of the best album openers this side of Saturn.
Mind Eraser, No Chaser- "Give Me the Reason Why the Mind's a Terrible Thing To Waste" shouts Josh Homme, on this quest for pill perfection..The wicked escape is soundtracked by a crushing frontline of rhinocerotic drums and bass, stomping over the drug of choice, obliterating it into a snort-able snack.
New Fang-A slinking slimy beast of a song.. preying on the backstage flooz of its choice. Its coil and strike entwined with an unapologetic kiss and tell, buried in a droning rhythm...what a charmer.
Dead End Friends- Trust No-one, drive further, push harder, channel your doubts toward that destination..but that horizon line laughs at you...a myriad of monstrous mirages. The minutia of a jam at the end is epic. Pleasantly recognizable back up vox by Mr. Grohl.
Elephants- "Like lumbering giants on shameful parade". The centerpiece of the album...an unclassifiably massive stomp stamped and notarized by John Paul Jones, and delivered by Grohl and Homme like a cad and his wingman returning to the jungle,smelling like sex. The mildly operatic break is scored vaguely reminiscent of a deep cut from In Through The Out Door.
Scumbag Blues-A scuzzy funk and blues crawl through mud and thunder...we are encased in bass..we cannot move unless it is a dance move..heartbeats bleeding and bursting in time, a carousing arterial spray of a jam.
Bandoliers- Could be a lost track from QOTSA's Lullabies to Paralyze, a song of yearning, basquing in a haze of mantra like keys, but don't call it a love song, call it a leave song. Grohl doesn't hesitate to bludgeon a mountainous beat through a bleeding heart.
Reptiles- Doozy of a "Crunge" intro breaks off into a spastic piledriver of the most beautiful bruises and breaths until the bottom, driven by a druggy slide accompaniment, just fucking breaks the song apart.
Interlude With Ludes-An afternoon delight of pharmaceutical, beautiful..baby's breath angel dust under her cuticles. Revolution Number Nine as she's done from behind. Unwind, unrefined. A lysergic convergence of drug lust.
Warsaw or The First Breath You Take After You Give Up- A layered, bluesy peek into the un-hostile brothel in Homme's mind..the first breath you lose is the one you try to catch as it catapults into a slide tastic spook jam that unwinds somewhere in between the sweaty sheets and the nebulaic rings of the nearest star.
Caligulove- JPJ's Bass pedal push and heavy 70s bush panties in a ball in the dark corners..de-flowered in a west coast porn set after party jam. The farfisa is the only organ you will need.
Gunman- An addictive funk disco riff that pummels, yet the vocal melody misses its messy mark. A higher register and the removal of that Vulgaris -era vocal break would have burst every bulb on that lit dance floor.
Spinning In Daffodils-The album closes with monoliths moving behind mountains on wheels..a tri- fold of musky scents unfurled as the dirty demons are released ...immense richter rock spray coated with Homme's most sultry delivery.. copulation the sincerest form of flattery...
This is a sexy album. This album is the girl you never take home to mama...Sex is the weapon here. The dirty little secret you masquerade around, sex that causes wars, angers gods and leaves us submissive and sublime. Sex is the ever present destiny, sex sells, baby. And this record left me busted, bankrupted ..left with a dry mouth and an empty chamber, each song like prying open the next page of a dirty mag, ashamed and excited. Each beat like the thuddy flicker of a stag film frame as we watch in the dark. Each riff like a shadowy knot of flesh in a moaning room next door, calling, cursing...catching up to your senses and burying them in an overwhelming rush of breathless climax and animal magnetism.
More than what the music media tagged a "supergroup", Them Crooked Vultures is merely a super.. group. This trio of musical masters and the accompanying album was conceived in JUNE of this year on a well calculated, simmering whim. Here it is finally birthed as a sensuous and steamrolling, yet streamlined wishlist of musical ideas that come together as a unconventional and crushing, not overstated or mish-mashy...album.
Grohl's beats are like a battering ram that leaves your soul calloused, denting your senses with agility and aplomb. John Paul Jones is again a secret weapon here, as he has been throughout his career. His low end is a proper bully, cunning and congenial. Mr. Homme's guitar work is, raucous stellar and jammy, but something must be said for his smirky lyrics, a biting pictoral of carnal carnival barking, booty calling and satire, with equal parts deprecation and bravado. An under-rated lyricist for sure, here his prose is simply overshadowed by the beauty of it all.
Them Crooked Vultures, on their self- titled debut are indeed as crooked as they come, with an effortlessly manic, yet ferociously forthright display of hunger, power and need. These bulky songs, tucked under dirty wings have no patience to hold back, allowing themselves to briskly swoop down and pick them bones clean with a carnal, yet sexy intensity. We have been blessed with an uneasy and relentless rock album.
Here is a smeared Polaroid(found under a hotel bed) of each song :
No One Loves Me and Neither Do I: Two lost souls meander back to a flea-bit flophouse and mumble beer breath sonnets to each other until they end up in a bloody tumble of self deprecation and sex. A monster of a riff break as the money shot escapes. One of the best album openers this side of Saturn.
Mind Eraser, No Chaser- "Give Me the Reason Why the Mind's a Terrible Thing To Waste" shouts Josh Homme, on this quest for pill perfection..The wicked escape is soundtracked by a crushing frontline of rhinocerotic drums and bass, stomping over the drug of choice, obliterating it into a snort-able snack.
New Fang-A slinking slimy beast of a song.. preying on the backstage flooz of its choice. Its coil and strike entwined with an unapologetic kiss and tell, buried in a droning rhythm...what a charmer.
Dead End Friends- Trust No-one, drive further, push harder, channel your doubts toward that destination..but that horizon line laughs at you...a myriad of monstrous mirages. The minutia of a jam at the end is epic. Pleasantly recognizable back up vox by Mr. Grohl.
Elephants- "Like lumbering giants on shameful parade". The centerpiece of the album...an unclassifiably massive stomp stamped and notarized by John Paul Jones, and delivered by Grohl and Homme like a cad and his wingman returning to the jungle,smelling like sex. The mildly operatic break is scored vaguely reminiscent of a deep cut from In Through The Out Door.
Scumbag Blues-A scuzzy funk and blues crawl through mud and thunder...we are encased in bass..we cannot move unless it is a dance move..heartbeats bleeding and bursting in time, a carousing arterial spray of a jam.
Bandoliers- Could be a lost track from QOTSA's Lullabies to Paralyze, a song of yearning, basquing in a haze of mantra like keys, but don't call it a love song, call it a leave song. Grohl doesn't hesitate to bludgeon a mountainous beat through a bleeding heart.
Reptiles- Doozy of a "Crunge" intro breaks off into a spastic piledriver of the most beautiful bruises and breaths until the bottom, driven by a druggy slide accompaniment, just fucking breaks the song apart.
Interlude With Ludes-An afternoon delight of pharmaceutical, beautiful..baby's breath angel dust under her cuticles. Revolution Number Nine as she's done from behind. Unwind, unrefined. A lysergic convergence of drug lust.
Warsaw or The First Breath You Take After You Give Up- A layered, bluesy peek into the un-hostile brothel in Homme's mind..the first breath you lose is the one you try to catch as it catapults into a slide tastic spook jam that unwinds somewhere in between the sweaty sheets and the nebulaic rings of the nearest star.
Caligulove- JPJ's Bass pedal push and heavy 70s bush panties in a ball in the dark corners..de-flowered in a west coast porn set after party jam. The farfisa is the only organ you will need.
Gunman- An addictive funk disco riff that pummels, yet the vocal melody misses its messy mark. A higher register and the removal of that Vulgaris -era vocal break would have burst every bulb on that lit dance floor.
Spinning In Daffodils-The album closes with monoliths moving behind mountains on wheels..a tri- fold of musky scents unfurled as the dirty demons are released ...immense richter rock spray coated with Homme's most sultry delivery.. copulation the sincerest form of flattery...
This is a sexy album. This album is the girl you never take home to mama...Sex is the weapon here. The dirty little secret you masquerade around, sex that causes wars, angers gods and leaves us submissive and sublime. Sex is the ever present destiny, sex sells, baby. And this record left me busted, bankrupted ..left with a dry mouth and an empty chamber, each song like prying open the next page of a dirty mag, ashamed and excited. Each beat like the thuddy flicker of a stag film frame as we watch in the dark. Each riff like a shadowy knot of flesh in a moaning room next door, calling, cursing...catching up to your senses and burying them in an overwhelming rush of breathless climax and animal magnetism.
More than what the music media tagged a "supergroup", Them Crooked Vultures is merely a super.. group. This trio of musical masters and the accompanying album was conceived in JUNE of this year on a well calculated, simmering whim. Here it is finally birthed as a sensuous and steamrolling, yet streamlined wishlist of musical ideas that come together as a unconventional and crushing, not overstated or mish-mashy...album.
Grohl's beats are like a battering ram that leaves your soul calloused, denting your senses with agility and aplomb. John Paul Jones is again a secret weapon here, as he has been throughout his career. His low end is a proper bully, cunning and congenial. Mr. Homme's guitar work is, raucous stellar and jammy, but something must be said for his smirky lyrics, a biting pictoral of carnal carnival barking, booty calling and satire, with equal parts deprecation and bravado. An under-rated lyricist for sure, here his prose is simply overshadowed by the beauty of it all.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Triskaidekaphobia Totally Rocks
Doesn't that Post title sound like I'm hyping some band from the edge of obscuria? A fabulous Greek metal band I discovered while on a lovely drunken vacation on the fringe of Cyprus? Nawww. I'm just obsessing on bad luck on this Friday evening the 13th of november. Been doing alot of watching the leaves rustling and staring straight hardcore into the land of would ofs and should ofs and quite possibly could ofs as I always do when I strap myself into the stocks and pillory and wait for one of my meth-ed out escaped alter egos to come and publicly cane me while shakily gripping a megaphone and broadcasting my impurities to the suburban white bread devourees that I've been falsifying around.
13 13 13 13 ..the 13th individual seated at the last supper was the one who betrayed Jesus...and that rings so chillingly, inexplicably parallel to my thoughts. On any given day I can think of 13 additional ways in which Jesus has betrayed me. "jesus" being whatever higher power I assign it to be. Jesus is 13 is Jesus is today.
Example 1: all of my music has been minimized into files compressed into masquerading 1s and 0s. Portable, deviously inferior to any tactical real thing, safe and forgettable. I have acquired over 100 "albums" this year and gotten completely through 6 of them.
Example 2: After all of my previous, scientifically musical family rock star planning, I witnessed my son dancing joyously to a fucking Miley Cyrus song in the alleyway of my kitchen last night, while my wife egged him on and called me a "hater" for not joining in. LOL LOL LMFAO LMFAO LOL LOL 666 LOL Burn me..just watch me burn...the flames with illuminate your sitcoms.
Example 3: My obsession with an unanswered Craigslist ad(for a semi pro jam session) wielded no new responses, one blog comment from a friend I've never met 3k miles away, and wasted fuel for a thread that burns whether we read it or not. Flag me, Satan!
Example 4: Slash...multi millionaire rock star from the 80s, has a new solo album coming out, went all Santana on us, and got Fergie to bless us with her tits(vocals) on a new version of Paradise City.Exorcise! REPENT!
Example 5: Jesus made me forget that today was Neil Young's 64th birthday. I actually didn't know, but WTF..if I knew how to bake a cake, I'd bake one in the shape of Old Black and give out pieces to passing strangers on the cusp of picking up their dog's shit.
Example 6: My relationship with Jesus has made me hype the probably fanfuckingtastic movie "It Might Get Loud" right here on this blog, but I've yet to see it. Betrayal and blasphemy. It came out in August. For three months I've been burning bushes. The Edge is on tour, but Jimmy and Jack are pissed.
Example 7: Bang Camaro is on Hiatus. Every single person in that band has a side project except for me. My side project is "bus driver/ass wiper".
Example 8: Holidays persitantly arrive when I'm most angry and most broke and when family is most fractured. Deck the Halls with buckshot and blood stains. I've got no ipod playlist ready for that.
Example 9: I'm convinced that I'm tailor made for inclusion into the higher echelon of the Illuminati. What would Jesus do? Where's a friendly and inclusive Black Metal band when you need 'em.?
Example 10: I cant grow a beard even close to the one jesus rocked, yet almost all of the bands I am currently heavily rotating are Beard- centric. Its a cruel joke played on me... the facially follically fucked.
Example 11: Jesus tricked me into making those chicken tenders in the corner of the freezer without taking the time(2 seconds) to read that they were breaded with COCONUT! COCONUT is the dandruff of the devil.!!! I am fucked! H1N1 would be a more welcome hors d' ourve well before coconut(beelzebub baby's breath)
Example 12: Jesus sneezes and leaves dust on my guitars whenever he feels like it. (BTW- don't tell him, but Jesus Sneezes is an awesome band name). I am forced into abandoned instrument guilt and into learning an F chord over and over in a repeating nightmare.
Example 13: Matchbox 20 minus Pearl Jam "Ten" equals (7 Mary) Three....or 13.
Good luck to all of you.....but not today.
13 13 13 13 ..the 13th individual seated at the last supper was the one who betrayed Jesus...and that rings so chillingly, inexplicably parallel to my thoughts. On any given day I can think of 13 additional ways in which Jesus has betrayed me. "jesus" being whatever higher power I assign it to be. Jesus is 13 is Jesus is today.
Example 1: all of my music has been minimized into files compressed into masquerading 1s and 0s. Portable, deviously inferior to any tactical real thing, safe and forgettable. I have acquired over 100 "albums" this year and gotten completely through 6 of them.
Example 2: After all of my previous, scientifically musical family rock star planning, I witnessed my son dancing joyously to a fucking Miley Cyrus song in the alleyway of my kitchen last night, while my wife egged him on and called me a "hater" for not joining in. LOL LOL LMFAO LMFAO LOL LOL 666 LOL Burn me..just watch me burn...the flames with illuminate your sitcoms.
Example 3: My obsession with an unanswered Craigslist ad(for a semi pro jam session) wielded no new responses, one blog comment from a friend I've never met 3k miles away, and wasted fuel for a thread that burns whether we read it or not. Flag me, Satan!
Example 4: Slash...multi millionaire rock star from the 80s, has a new solo album coming out, went all Santana on us, and got Fergie to bless us with her tits(vocals) on a new version of Paradise City.Exorcise! REPENT!
Example 5: Jesus made me forget that today was Neil Young's 64th birthday. I actually didn't know, but WTF..if I knew how to bake a cake, I'd bake one in the shape of Old Black and give out pieces to passing strangers on the cusp of picking up their dog's shit.
Example 6: My relationship with Jesus has made me hype the probably fanfuckingtastic movie "It Might Get Loud" right here on this blog, but I've yet to see it. Betrayal and blasphemy. It came out in August. For three months I've been burning bushes. The Edge is on tour, but Jimmy and Jack are pissed.
Example 7: Bang Camaro is on Hiatus. Every single person in that band has a side project except for me. My side project is "bus driver/ass wiper".
Example 8: Holidays persitantly arrive when I'm most angry and most broke and when family is most fractured. Deck the Halls with buckshot and blood stains. I've got no ipod playlist ready for that.
Example 9: I'm convinced that I'm tailor made for inclusion into the higher echelon of the Illuminati. What would Jesus do? Where's a friendly and inclusive Black Metal band when you need 'em.?
Example 10: I cant grow a beard even close to the one jesus rocked, yet almost all of the bands I am currently heavily rotating are Beard- centric. Its a cruel joke played on me... the facially follically fucked.
Example 11: Jesus tricked me into making those chicken tenders in the corner of the freezer without taking the time(2 seconds) to read that they were breaded with COCONUT! COCONUT is the dandruff of the devil.!!! I am fucked! H1N1 would be a more welcome hors d' ourve well before coconut(beelzebub baby's breath)
Example 12: Jesus sneezes and leaves dust on my guitars whenever he feels like it. (BTW- don't tell him, but Jesus Sneezes is an awesome band name). I am forced into abandoned instrument guilt and into learning an F chord over and over in a repeating nightmare.
Example 13: Matchbox 20 minus Pearl Jam "Ten" equals (7 Mary) Three....or 13.
Good luck to all of you.....but not today.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Fits Shaped Like Circles
Moody sieve separating the rain from the idleness today.
amazing ungraceful stasis "goin' my way?"
wet wheat wet chaff cold shower blood bath
bad blood rivers run in a room full of laughs
wanted to do a metal haiku and came up with a thousand syllables too many.
spy named lightbiz.com jacked my laptop a plenty
cant reward a reader,can't get my trivial stuff done
can't fool you readers who think I'm having fun
on a glacier slow machine 4 years too old
threaded with virus and malware and now, malcontent mold.
money always tight when you covet a dream
and the fits shaped like circles will make you come clean
on a blog where mere mortals are shielded by words
opinions are knives hari karied into the guts of clean thought and brain turds.
What shall I skewer today to hide me
TaylorSwiftGrizzly BearNancyGraceMTV
HipsterDosHypsterDon'tsorKardashianFame
or the writers who put bad Brooklyn bands in the game.
SmokingVeganWhoringHousewivesBiggestLosersLebron
I've lost track of which planet of hate I am on.
Out of work, studderstepping in unstable ground.
Tit For Tat Sink or Swim Ride to Live Pound For Pound.
Dark road like a sweater or crackling fire.
kept warm in the glowing jail of desire.
Desire to be recognized off of this couch
something other than brooding or casting out ouch.
adopting addiction for my calling card.
downloading corroding chipping off shards
picked up in a gust forgotten in time
the only thing easier is the next rhyme.
a stalemate with a shadow that chomps at the bit
form fits shaped like circles , or Circles of Fits.
amazing ungraceful stasis "goin' my way?"
wet wheat wet chaff cold shower blood bath
bad blood rivers run in a room full of laughs
wanted to do a metal haiku and came up with a thousand syllables too many.
spy named lightbiz.com jacked my laptop a plenty
cant reward a reader,can't get my trivial stuff done
can't fool you readers who think I'm having fun
on a glacier slow machine 4 years too old
threaded with virus and malware and now, malcontent mold.
money always tight when you covet a dream
and the fits shaped like circles will make you come clean
on a blog where mere mortals are shielded by words
opinions are knives hari karied into the guts of clean thought and brain turds.
What shall I skewer today to hide me
TaylorSwiftGrizzly BearNancyGraceMTV
HipsterDosHypsterDon'tsorKardashianFame
or the writers who put bad Brooklyn bands in the game.
SmokingVeganWhoringHousewivesBiggestLosersLebron
I've lost track of which planet of hate I am on.
Out of work, studderstepping in unstable ground.
Tit For Tat Sink or Swim Ride to Live Pound For Pound.
Dark road like a sweater or crackling fire.
kept warm in the glowing jail of desire.
Desire to be recognized off of this couch
something other than brooding or casting out ouch.
adopting addiction for my calling card.
downloading corroding chipping off shards
picked up in a gust forgotten in time
the only thing easier is the next rhyme.
a stalemate with a shadow that chomps at the bit
form fits shaped like circles , or Circles of Fits.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Steven Tyler Staying With Aerosmith
Told You So.....
Last night in NYC.........recording's a bit distorted , but you'll get the idea. NEXT!
Last night in NYC.........recording's a bit distorted , but you'll get the idea. NEXT!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Aerosmith: Dream Off?
The blogosphere is abuzz with the "news" or "announcement" that Steven Tyler has left Aerosmith after 39 and some odd years with the band, and that the band plans to continue on without him. Joe Perry and Brad Whitford have volleyed out some fascinating and scandalous quotes and soundbites for immediate consumtion by a story driven media. The problem is...There's 2 sides to every story and the world has yet to hear Mr. Tyler speak on the matter. So we are left with SPECULATION, folks. Not a finite answer. Hell, the question hasn't even been asked of Steven yet.
I don't like to rehash these quotes because they have been used and abused at the surface of this (so far) NON story: but they ALL stem from just two stories from Classic Rock Magazine and an interview with the Las Vegas Sun newspaper.
Joe Perry: "Steven Tyler has quit as far as I can tell. He has had no contact with me or the other band members."
Brad Whitford: "Nobody could replace Steven or imitate him – he's one of a kind. But if somebody was willing to do it and the chemistry was right, why not?"
Steven Tyler: "I don’t know what I’m doing yet, but it’s definitely going to be something Steven Tyler: working on the brand of myself – Brand Tyler,"
Look, has anybody talked about Steven's upcoming autobiography Does the Noise in My Head Bother You? to be released in 2010 and the probable promotion that may surround it? Can anybody picture a 61 year old man who has allowed Joe Perry to promote his freaking hot sauce and release an album and tour with the Joe Perry Project, wanting to do something on his own for once in 40 years?!!
Is it possible that the "Brand Tyler" soundbite was merely a playful or out of context jab at Perry's endeavors?
Was anything said about the corporate gig in San Francisco (for Oracle) they have done SINCE these soundbites were put out there? Are any of you the same age as he and experienced what it feels like to blindly fall off a stage, injure yourself and maybe have to worry about the need for painkillers? Nobody knows the extent of his injuries.
When he was treated for hepatitis several years back he was put on painkillers which made him relapse into a dependency . The guy put himself into rehab at that time. Is he worried about a similar situation as a result of his fall in August?
Does anybody state that their pre- concert dressing rooms have NEVER been close to each other and there has been little or no band discussion before a show for many years. I was witness to that...having spent an hour in his dressing room with my beloved sister before a show in September of 2006. Musicians have rituals before shows..and he had a make up artist and a pilates machine for stretching in that room with him.
I'm suprised at the lack of reporting in the blogosphere and the rampant speculation. The homework is easy. Not one reporter or blogger has gone to Aeroforceone.com, their official fan club/website for a possible interview or statement from any insider. I have, and everything I stated has been previously discussed by friends of the band and insiders as well in depth on the forums.
Joe Perry is restless(as he has always been), Steven may need a break. That is all I will commit to at this time.
Collect more facts before you get them sraight.
I don't like to rehash these quotes because they have been used and abused at the surface of this (so far) NON story: but they ALL stem from just two stories from Classic Rock Magazine and an interview with the Las Vegas Sun newspaper.
Joe Perry: "Steven Tyler has quit as far as I can tell. He has had no contact with me or the other band members."
Brad Whitford: "Nobody could replace Steven or imitate him – he's one of a kind. But if somebody was willing to do it and the chemistry was right, why not?"
Steven Tyler: "I don’t know what I’m doing yet, but it’s definitely going to be something Steven Tyler: working on the brand of myself – Brand Tyler,"
Look, has anybody talked about Steven's upcoming autobiography Does the Noise in My Head Bother You? to be released in 2010 and the probable promotion that may surround it? Can anybody picture a 61 year old man who has allowed Joe Perry to promote his freaking hot sauce and release an album and tour with the Joe Perry Project, wanting to do something on his own for once in 40 years?!!
Is it possible that the "Brand Tyler" soundbite was merely a playful or out of context jab at Perry's endeavors?
Was anything said about the corporate gig in San Francisco (for Oracle) they have done SINCE these soundbites were put out there? Are any of you the same age as he and experienced what it feels like to blindly fall off a stage, injure yourself and maybe have to worry about the need for painkillers? Nobody knows the extent of his injuries.
When he was treated for hepatitis several years back he was put on painkillers which made him relapse into a dependency . The guy put himself into rehab at that time. Is he worried about a similar situation as a result of his fall in August?
Does anybody state that their pre- concert dressing rooms have NEVER been close to each other and there has been little or no band discussion before a show for many years. I was witness to that...having spent an hour in his dressing room with my beloved sister before a show in September of 2006. Musicians have rituals before shows..and he had a make up artist and a pilates machine for stretching in that room with him.
I'm suprised at the lack of reporting in the blogosphere and the rampant speculation. The homework is easy. Not one reporter or blogger has gone to Aeroforceone.com, their official fan club/website for a possible interview or statement from any insider. I have, and everything I stated has been previously discussed by friends of the band and insiders as well in depth on the forums.
Joe Perry is restless(as he has always been), Steven may need a break. That is all I will commit to at this time.
Monday, November 09, 2009
Craigslist FAIL
Inspiration sometimes hits the curmudgeons too. I have been inspired to make music again, so I put yet another ad on Craigslist( this could be my hundredth) trying to find like minded individuals. If you are a regular reader, you may know that I have an empty basement, an 80's era white drumset that doubles as a breeding ground for spiders, guitars in cases molding successfully and an amp that hasn't been fired up since Christ was a kid.
I have been here, in the 5th largest city in the country, for 2 years and during this time, been a member of three cover bands drawing the " suburban cougar" demographic for half a minute each, and toured the country as a singer with the legendary band Bang Camaro. The Bang Camaro guys are great, intensely creative and from a wide variety of musical upbringings....but the core of that band lives in Boston, and I don't. Frankly, the only things I like about Boston are the bands Boston, The Cars, Bang Camaro, Noble Rot, The Everyday Visuals and the sadly defunct The Vershok...because of this and my fear of anyone in the Red Sox Nation I don't see them regularly. I need an outlet here, I also need some sort of partner to get the rock rolling...so back to the worn out ritual of using the old (un)faithful Craigslist.org.
In my experience, the craigslist musicians section has always been hit or miss..Now its like a whiff heard round the world in the bottom of the 9th. First let me show you my posting...
I'm a rock vocalist in XXXXXXXXXXXX. I know there are Dads of young children out there who are also very good musicians, lusting for an outlet, but the responsibilities of adulthood have left your talents latent. I am looking for semi pro/pro level rock lovers who want a little bit more than a jam session, who actually want to write songs that spring from a jam, just like we all used to in the bands we might have left behind. I have a finished basement with nothing in it but my drumset, my SG and my Fender amp, screaming for attention. I'm looking for you guys...and mind you, having little ones is not a prerequisite. My tastes lie on the less dischordant indie..more melodic, poppy, heavy side of rock, but never veer towards pure metal. Think Beatles/QOTSA/Radiohead/Zep/Clutch/Neil Young/Wilco/Thin Lizzy/Black Keys/Iggy Pop/Drive By Truckers/Hold Steady/The Who. Looking for Drums, Guitars, Bass and keys for a project whose goal is to write and record songs....playing out is sort of on the backburner. I hope to hear from you . Call Sean.
Pretty well focused and to the point, right? I even put my self congratulatory snark away and stuck to my needs. Well... I got NO responses in a city of 4.5 million people. And let me tell you why... just wait a minute while I put on my slippers, take my hand out of my pants and step on this here soapbox......
1) craigslist's musician section has become a never ending, always changing smack talking thread that goes nowhere and buries genuine posts written by people with actual goals.
Start with ONE off base, opinionated, horribly written, chock full of spelling errors post written by any "musician" from any genre or level...and a thread begins with intermittent posts attacking the first post. This can go on for days, sometimes weeks and some of the retorts from the bitchosphere are hilarious...There's a book deal in there somewhere.....The Problem is they clog up the thread-like appearance of posts and anyone hoping for a response has to compete with RE:RE:RE:RE:RE: your cover band couldn't fake its way through American Girl like a shit-fit sandwich.
2) The musicians section should have NO ADS. Almost every post that isn't publicly stringing up a bass player who looks like Uncle Fester is either
-a blunt sucking neanderthal hawking beats from his basement.
-a criminally sad suburban cafe promoting it's sensitive acoustic Saturday afternoon open mic.
-a band you've never heard of begging you to come to the show at Paddy's Pot Hole EVERY 10th line of the thread. You want us to care about you with not even a link to your website or god forbid a song sample from your fucking slow loading, Flash flooded myspace page? Listen, you tie- dyed einsteins, if you put the bong down, stop watching Judge Judy reruns and leave the house you might learn a few things: A post of your show on Craigslist is as relevant and useful as being stapled five flyers deep on a Tuesday morning telephone pole . Nobody's coming and less of us care!
-anyone who gives lessons for everything from oboe reed replacement to my personal fav: Learn How To Sing! Guess what you tone dead window lickers? You either know how to sing or you don't!
THESE ARE ALL ADS! AND YOU REPOST THEM AS FREQUENTLY AS A SPOT ON TERRESTRIAL RADIO!
Craigslist is one of the most used and secretly successful websites of all time(despite all of those serial killings and date rapes that it is the nucleus of)......and its fucking broken. Why can't they simply divide the section into pieces?
-one section for smacktastic trollers who can't do OR teach but can pitch and preach,
-one section for the Shilling and Selling of shred lessons and beatboxing and yodeling in Yiddish.
-one section for endless aimless promotion of the Sad Cafes and the dreaded rainy day open mics
-one section just called Cover Band Purgatory for those who want to join a wedding band or sing Linkin Park songs to the Bud Light suburbanites who generally find themselves perpetually 4 to 6 years behind anyone with culture.
.........and one for the TRUE MUSICIANS looking for other TRUE MUSICIANS.
Those guys with empty basements and a collection of melodies bouncing off of gray matter in between the endless path of school chauferring and the deep exhales expelled while bagging raked leaves.....you know who you are. But I can't find you. Not on craigslist anyway.
I have been here, in the 5th largest city in the country, for 2 years and during this time, been a member of three cover bands drawing the " suburban cougar" demographic for half a minute each, and toured the country as a singer with the legendary band Bang Camaro. The Bang Camaro guys are great, intensely creative and from a wide variety of musical upbringings....but the core of that band lives in Boston, and I don't. Frankly, the only things I like about Boston are the bands Boston, The Cars, Bang Camaro, Noble Rot, The Everyday Visuals and the sadly defunct The Vershok...because of this and my fear of anyone in the Red Sox Nation I don't see them regularly. I need an outlet here, I also need some sort of partner to get the rock rolling...so back to the worn out ritual of using the old (un)faithful Craigslist.org.
In my experience, the craigslist musicians section has always been hit or miss..Now its like a whiff heard round the world in the bottom of the 9th. First let me show you my posting...
I'm a rock vocalist in XXXXXXXXXXXX. I know there are Dads of young children out there who are also very good musicians, lusting for an outlet, but the responsibilities of adulthood have left your talents latent. I am looking for semi pro/pro level rock lovers who want a little bit more than a jam session, who actually want to write songs that spring from a jam, just like we all used to in the bands we might have left behind. I have a finished basement with nothing in it but my drumset, my SG and my Fender amp, screaming for attention. I'm looking for you guys...and mind you, having little ones is not a prerequisite. My tastes lie on the less dischordant indie..more melodic, poppy, heavy side of rock, but never veer towards pure metal. Think Beatles/QOTSA/Radiohead/Zep/Clutch/Neil Young/Wilco/Thin Lizzy/Black Keys/Iggy Pop/Drive By Truckers/Hold Steady/The Who. Looking for Drums, Guitars, Bass and keys for a project whose goal is to write and record songs....playing out is sort of on the backburner. I hope to hear from you . Call Sean.
Pretty well focused and to the point, right? I even put my self congratulatory snark away and stuck to my needs. Well... I got NO responses in a city of 4.5 million people. And let me tell you why... just wait a minute while I put on my slippers, take my hand out of my pants and step on this here soapbox......
1) craigslist's musician section has become a never ending, always changing smack talking thread that goes nowhere and buries genuine posts written by people with actual goals.
Start with ONE off base, opinionated, horribly written, chock full of spelling errors post written by any "musician" from any genre or level...and a thread begins with intermittent posts attacking the first post. This can go on for days, sometimes weeks and some of the retorts from the bitchosphere are hilarious...There's a book deal in there somewhere.....The Problem is they clog up the thread-like appearance of posts and anyone hoping for a response has to compete with RE:RE:RE:RE:RE: your cover band couldn't fake its way through American Girl like a shit-fit sandwich.
2) The musicians section should have NO ADS. Almost every post that isn't publicly stringing up a bass player who looks like Uncle Fester is either
-a blunt sucking neanderthal hawking beats from his basement.
-a criminally sad suburban cafe promoting it's sensitive acoustic Saturday afternoon open mic.
-a band you've never heard of begging you to come to the show at Paddy's Pot Hole EVERY 10th line of the thread. You want us to care about you with not even a link to your website or god forbid a song sample from your fucking slow loading, Flash flooded myspace page? Listen, you tie- dyed einsteins, if you put the bong down, stop watching Judge Judy reruns and leave the house you might learn a few things: A post of your show on Craigslist is as relevant and useful as being stapled five flyers deep on a Tuesday morning telephone pole . Nobody's coming and less of us care!
-anyone who gives lessons for everything from oboe reed replacement to my personal fav: Learn How To Sing! Guess what you tone dead window lickers? You either know how to sing or you don't!
THESE ARE ALL ADS! AND YOU REPOST THEM AS FREQUENTLY AS A SPOT ON TERRESTRIAL RADIO!
Craigslist is one of the most used and secretly successful websites of all time(despite all of those serial killings and date rapes that it is the nucleus of)......and its fucking broken. Why can't they simply divide the section into pieces?
-one section for smacktastic trollers who can't do OR teach but can pitch and preach,
-one section for the Shilling and Selling of shred lessons and beatboxing and yodeling in Yiddish.
-one section for endless aimless promotion of the Sad Cafes and the dreaded rainy day open mics
-one section just called Cover Band Purgatory for those who want to join a wedding band or sing Linkin Park songs to the Bud Light suburbanites who generally find themselves perpetually 4 to 6 years behind anyone with culture.
.........and one for the TRUE MUSICIANS looking for other TRUE MUSICIANS.
Those guys with empty basements and a collection of melodies bouncing off of gray matter in between the endless path of school chauferring and the deep exhales expelled while bagging raked leaves.....you know who you are. But I can't find you. Not on craigslist anyway.
Friday, November 06, 2009
An Interview with the Beatles Remastering Team
There's been a large chunk of talk about the newly remastered Beatles catalog. Some nay but mostly YAY. I lay with YAY as I say every day. Yay plays okay, so why stray today....There is so much new beauty in the remasters and it thoroughly surprised me.with headphones if you can. Even in Mp3 format , you should be blown away, Get yourself a pint and a few granny smith's(or vice versa) and dig into these reissues.... From a link via the great music website Glorious Noise, I found an interview with the entire engineering team team responsible for this enormous task....it can be found here http://www.soundandvisionmag.com/features/3242/inside-the-making-of-the-beatles-remastered-catalog.html . I hope you take the time to read and enjoy it.
Have a Good Weekend.......Seano
Have a Good Weekend.......Seano
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