Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Review: Alice In Chains-Black Gives Way To Blue

Make no mistake about it, grunge is not back. It has been 12 years since we heard anything from Alice in Chains. 12 long years full of box sets, greatest hits packages and waiting for the inevitable end of Layne Staley. The death of their legendary vocalist in 2002, came as a shock but no surprise to many and finally managed to stop them in their tracks(pun intended). Yet guitarist/vocalist/lyricist Jerry Cantrell still had music in him and went on to release 2 relatively well received solo albums during and after the drugged out demise of Staley: Boggy Depot in 1998 and Degradation Trip in 2002. The AIC fans seemed content with what was left, knowing that replacing Layne was an impossible task.

Flash forward to 2009 and their immensely hyped new album Black Gives Way To Blue and the permanent addition of "new singer" William DuVall to the band. DuVall is a talented singer who has actually been a part of AIC since a reunion tour in 2006. His vocals loom around the same register as Staley, but he certainly isn't a clone.. The problem may or may not be the effectiveness of his presence. Let me explain.. I was really hoping to love this album. It has many of Alice In Chains circa 1993 checkpoints covered, the bulky heaviness, the roomy sustained riffs, the acoustic curveball, the layers of vocals,etc. That is all good, super flannel-riffic, even. The problem lays in the overthinking of the ideas behind what made AIC great.

First of all, Mr. Duvall is barely there. He takes the lead vocal on only ONE complete song out of 11, the brooding "Last of My Kind". His clear role is back-up singer on this album, which is loaded with over- abundant stretches of doubled or tripled up vocal tracks. This is an AIC trademark, but here it seems like too much of a crutch on songs like the current radio hit "Check My Brain" which has not one verse or even a word without a doubled up/harmony vocal. This is a Jerry record, as well it should be. So many fans hardly realize that Jerry sang a co-lead on many of the AIC classics, and he more than holds his own here, especially on the mildly acoustic "Your Decision" and the ode to Layne/album ending title track, with guest piano provided by Sir Elton John.

To my surprise, the tempo of this album churns cautiously in a second gear- like gloomy cruise control through bummed -out burly riffs and  Sean Kinney's reverb drenched drums. This seemed a bit calculated as well: yes they do sound like themselves, even dated in places but some songs drag on like shelved out-takes from the "Tripod" album. I could have used an 8 cylinder jolt like Sickman or Them Bones in places where I was left floating out in the slow lane of riffdom.

I guess I'm just glad to have most of Alice in Chains back making music, even though they have tripped over their own emotional decisions in more places than not on this album. I hope they cure the Layne legacy blues  on the next record, un-"chain" Mr. Duvall, and turn up the octane in places where there will be no ghosts.

6 out of 10 horns up.

Sunday, September 27, 2009


My son Hudson has already mastered them...those 26 letters that exist to make up every word and name. It's a little too late to use this code I came up with to help him along, but maybe you can try with your own rugrats after everything else has failed and you feel like returning to hard liquor, but you're too cool to buy Hooked on Phonics.

A is for Angus.
B is for Beck.
C is for Chris.
D is for Duane.
E is for Elton.
F is for Freddy.
G is for Geddy.
H is for Hendrix.
I is for Iggy.
J is for Joni.
K is for Kurt.
L is for Layne.
M is for Mick.
N is for Neil.
O is for Ozzy.
P is for Paul.
Q is for Queens.
R is for Robert.
S is for Sting.
T is for Townshend.
U is for U2.
V is for Van.
W is for Waters.
X is in Texas.
Y is for Yorke.
Z is for Zimmerman.

You can format it for yourselves, make a game out of it..use LPs as flash cards.  And the whole world will be a better place. Think of what 26 letters can do.....soon enough, your kids will ditch hard arithmetic for hard rock.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Rock and Roll Hall of Lame Nominees Announced

It's that time of year again: The 2010 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Nominees have been announced and just like clockwork, I'm on it.

On it like flies on feces, which is what the ROCK and ROLL Hall of Fame has turned into. Its bad enough that the actual building is in Cleveland. I can't wait to pack the family in the car or greyhound bus and shlepp to Cleveland to see the Run DMC , Earth Wind and Fire and Percy Sledge exhibits. Most of Ohio reeks anyway...Kent State, The Reds, The Indians,Columbus....talk about a fly-over state.... and now we're faced with possibly having to put up with seeing KISS, ABBA, LL COOL J and DONNA SUMMER. Excuse me while I fire off with some verbal diarrhea.......

Don't we as rightful Rock and Roll afficionados have a right to be appalled that the dungheap with make-up known as Kiss is a nominee? Did Kiss really DO anything influential (besides steal an idea from Alice Cooper, add glitter,blood and greasepaint to 4 mugs that could freeze time with their ugliness,and shill until Satan emptied his pockets?!!) The only one with a smidgen of talent in that band was Ace Freheley and he had to drink himself silly to put up with the likes of Demonic Squirrel Head and  Swishy Star Man. I have so many people in my life who name drop Kiss as an influence, and there are countless others in the rock general public. I throw out a big "WHY?" to you all. Kiss are a living, breathing mockery of the genre and always will be, even after their 11th greatest hits package goes on sale.

How about LL COOL J? What the fuck??? Even rappers don't think he's a good rapper. He's more known for his abs and his horrific sitcoms, right? LL COOL J a nominee and no RUSH, ROXY MUSIC, T REX, BAD CO., BIG STAR, THE CARS, DIRE STRAITS, YES, MC5, HUMBLE PIE, JUDAS PRIEST and IRON MAIDEN????!!!!!!!

ABBA and DONNA SUMMER?????!!  FUCK, Lets just hang a disco ball from the entrance and hand out coke spoons to the kiddies with admission why dont we??? I dig the occasional disco song while I'm weedwacking with the ipod on but there is NO PLACE FOR IT or HIP HOP in the RNRHOF!

No J.J. CALE, JETHRO TULL, JOURNEY, JOE JACKSON or THE JAM...but DONNA SUMMER gets nominated. And thats just the Js!!!

Love to love ya, Jann, baby!

What a divine comedy.  They did get a few nominees right with The Stooges(again), Genesis(should have been in years ago) and the great songwriter Darlene Love.

Instead of the obligatory obscure doo-wop group this year we get the Hollies and the Chantels.

Bring out the wheelchairs........rock off.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Wifey Meets an Icon

My lovely wife is in Los Angeles for a second week while I am at home, kicking back and taking names, sharing a few cold ones with my son....beer/milk and watching all of the season premieres while downing a hearty amount of carbs (pretzels/goldfish).

Wifey calls me last night during a deep sleep.My dream about fighting androids in the near future (along side R2D2) that look like a cross between Perez Hilton/Jabba the Hut would have to wait..she's 3 hours back and this can only mean she has a celebrity sighting that she just can't wait to spill about or she's past the two drink minimum at one of the hotspots out there, read:(WAYYY past) and wants to toot her horn about it.

This time it happened to be the first choice. Apparently while dining with her creative team at a Moroccan eatery called The Little Door, she was seated at the table directly next to Radiohead frontman and all around legend Thom Yorke!! Unable to keep her mind on the kibbutzing at hand at her own table, she calls me to gloat and giggle like a starstruck girly all hopped up on the spectacle of it all. Wifey is a huge music fan...and would definitely be my 3rd or 4th choice for a lifeline on a game show circuit if need be....

I thought it would end there and congratulated her in a fog of broken REM and got back to being on the frontline with the coolest droid of all....but as it goes I got another call...this time she says: I JUST MET THOM YORKE! to which I say :Hmmnsnatfasticshh!

She said she and a co-worker followed him to the bathroom(stalker)..waited for him to come out(eww,superstalker)and proceeded to tell him how much his music has meant to her over the years( OK,bumped down to thankful superfan), introduced herself and shook his hand. He was very gracious, thanked her for her praise,there was probably an odd silent pause because of his shyness and then her coworker exclaimed "We love what you're doing, don't ever stop!" to which he replied in a very English way, "I believe I will have to someday."(or something like that) and they parted.

I say Way To Go, Wifey! She handled it perfectly. I wouldn't have done it any differently except maybe to tell him that the song No Surprises really did change my life,babbling about it being my anthem while he crept further away inch by inch while I fawned on him and called him a game changer. Of course I never would have approached him or the likes of Macca or Robert Plant w/o being perfectly fitted with the trendiest pair of adult Depends that LA could provide. You have to be prepared for everything.

I assume she'll call me tonight with a story about Rikki Lake cutting in line in front of her at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf or seeing Ryan Seacrest shuffling out the back door of a Chippendales show in Burbank. I'll be waiting.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Hovering Over an Empty Sea

Looking down across some scorched out valley
on second glance 'tis the post dusk view of a suburban street
my own.

Moments connected in a rugby scrum of thought processes
fawned over
gutted like a deer
swinging from garage rafters
exhaustion cold cocked from the shadows

expiration date read months from now
dendrites collapse and disintegrate
the fireworks of bloodvessels
Lull is the 9th layer
Wet blanket of rainbows
collective of communities all hiding
behind white noise of whining children
morning zoos
copy machine collates
sweating it out in the stalls
crying it out without a sound.
Packing years into a bad mood
vaulting forward into
magnetic backtracking
fishing for clues you already have
hovering over an empty sea.
found by the virus
shunned by the chorus
ousted out of a few hours ago
when I was fab.

This is all midtempo
from here on in
cram in a lesson
flush out a grin.

unvisited islands of beautiful banish
speaking in tongues of self preserved planets
a potential of task
mastering minutiae

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Friday, September 18, 2009

Repetition is the Sincerest Form of Flattery

Fuck Yeah. I just cannot get enough. 37 seconds of the second coming of Christ.

Be there or stay home and make room for the rest of us.

It Might Get Loud.

Them Crooked Vultures.

Repeat until your tongue is just one flapping bruise.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Top 60 One of a Kind Vocalists

Continuing on a theme inspired by Up With People/Tony Robbins and The Wiggles, I'm all about positivity these days(OK, its been two days, but who's counting).I'm ready to sweat out that small stuff while waving to my neighbors!! (Go with me here)..Lists remain a positive force in my blogging, so here's another one....

The Top 50 One Of A Kind Vocalists

This list is about vocalists who sound like no other..they may be icons, trailblazers or mushmouths..but each one is one of a kind. In order to make this list(IMO) these men and women cannot be fantastic vocalists who are often imitated (Bruce, Eddie V., Layne S.,)..these are people who have a completely original vocal style.Just as an iconic guitarist is known for his tone, this list is sort of a vocal equivalent. There are several that leave me reaching for painkillers, but it matters not. Originality was the deciding factor: Nobody sounds like the individuals on this list and no one should even try....

1)Freddy Mercury
2)Bryan Ferry
3)Bon Scott
4)Steve Marriott
6)Sam Cooke
7)Fish (Marillion)
8)Barry Gibb
9)Mark Lanegan
10)Jeff Buckley
12)Roy Orbison
13)Shannon Hoon
14)Geddy Lee 1974-1982
15)Steve Perry
16)Antony Hegarty (Antony and the Johnsons)
17)Joey Ramone
18)Tom Waits
19)Stevie Nicks
20)Alan Wilson(Canned Heat)
21)Jack Bruce(Cream)
22)Ronnie James Dio
23)Rod Stewart(Faces,Jeff Beck Group)
24)Ben Ottewell(Gomez)
25)Burton Cummings(the Guess Who)
26)Joanna Newsom
27)John Lee Hooker
28)Leon Russell
29)Steve Winwood
30)Peter Gabriel
31)Lou Reed
32)Cedric Bixler(the Mars Volta)
33)Richard Butler(Psychedelic Furs)
34)Maynard James Keenan(Tool)
35)Ray LaMontagne
36)Joni Mitchell (1968-1979)
37)Allison Krauss
38)Stevie Ray Vaughan
39)Van Morrison
40)Nina Simone
41)Cyndi Lauper
43)Dave Mustaine(Megadeth)
44)Mike Patton
45)Sinead O' Connor
46)Louie Armstrong
47)King Diamond
48)Janis Joplin
49)Johnny Cash
50)Billy Corgan
51)Jello Biafra
52)John Fogerty
53)Justin Vernon(Bon Iver)
54)Thom Yorke
55)Caleb Followill(Kings of Leon)
56)Doug Martsch (Built To Spill)
57)Aaron Neville
58)Nick Drake
59)Jon Anderson(Yes)
60)Michael McDonald(Doobie Bros.)

I'm sure I missed a couple ,two ,three....and that's where you come in.
Stay golden, pony boys...
Keep Your Feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars....
when one door closes another one opens.....

and all of that shit.

Great Bands With an Average Singer

I've been obsessed with America's obsession with mediocrity lately. There are so many people who settle for settling..from the off- white(read:safe) Home Depot paint they choose for a powder room, to touting a new pair of Crocs to fine dining at Olive Garden to downloading Daughtry.

It hurts to see this everywhere..it has given me a furrowed brow and a chip on my shoulder. However,the chip comes from years of research(read:magazines and wandering) I know I am not an almighty arbiter of taste or expert on excellence. I did not come from money and I didn't finish college(not to say that those who have are any better at knowing the difference between shit and diamonds). I am not a card carrying member of anything, I just think I know what sucks and what doesn't. There are plenty of subjects I wouldn't dare comment on because I simply do not know enough,it may not be on my radar or I think it may be irrelevant to the joie de vivre. Most choices that we make in life are a combination of our different upbringings, our value systems,and what we learned on The View.

Mine come from common sense. I love that I have a tight grip on common sense. I know that after a 10 beer/3 Jagr night...always find a way to make your last beverage a tall glass/gallon of water. I know that texting is for kids, I know that you should never have to pull your pants up repeatedly as you walk, etc.

These last few posts have reeked of negativity and I'm sorry. Tonight its something positive and not coming within several Dancing Stars of mediocrity. A List of

Great Bands With an Average Singer
1)Lynyrd Skynyrd-Ronnie, Johnny, Donnie...whatever. They all sound the same to me.
2)The Black Crowes-Great Fronting Chris, but your phrasing and delivery is hard to take.
3)Weezer-Rivers is just....There.
4)The Jimi Hendrix Experience-Who Cares,right? But his lyrics would have been so much better sung by someone else. Even Noel Redding had a better voice.
5)Pink Floyd-After Syd singing, Roger was a step up, but everything except Animals was hard to take if you weren't dosing in your basement with the lights off.
6)Grand Funk Railroad- Most people don't even know who the singer was...and thats the problem.
7)The Knack- a power pop masterpiece that sounds like its sung by a substitute teacher.
8)Peter Frampton- I know why he used that talk box so much on Frampton Comes Alive now.
9)The Kinks- Hard English accents overpowering a legacy of brilliant songs.
10)The Beach Boys(when Brian Sang)- made me want to crawl under my sandbox.
11) Smashing Pumpkins- Billy could do it all except when he sung through his nose, which was from 1990 to now.
12) Any band Eric Clapton was in after Blind Faith.

Could you add to this list?

Sunday, September 13, 2009

2009 MTV Video Music Awards Predictions

I am so excited.
Its The VMAs.
And if you believe that, come on over and I'll show you my extremely rare collection of illegally extracted gold plated teeth..taken from sleeping hip hop artists. I'm a big fan of alls kinds 'a grills.

Text me when its over.

Here are my predictions...

Lots of vampires representin' everything...while around them in tight suits, sitting clueless in their seats (wondering how to sue the next 12 year old girl who downloaded 20 Taylor Swift mp3s) are the real bloodsuckers.

Beyonce will be nominated and win for most appearances on consecutive award shows. She will pick up her moon man and quickly rush off to a waiting lear jet a la Phil Collins to take her to the Slovenian Soul Train awards held live in Ljubljana.

Lady Gaga picks up her award for best Butterface/Poker face in a Video. She wears a mask and walks in backwards, showing her good side.

Kanye West will get his Jaw wired shut again by an angry mob after complaining about not winning a video music award from a network that doesn't play video music.
(update-Kanye sabotaged Taylor Swift's acceptance speech proclaiming that Beyonce made the "best video of all time".... fo' real.)

The allure of Green Day will continue to baffle me, but they will show up and win something(and Drummer Tre Cool will make a kooky "why am I here meets Ridalin face)

The commercials will all be Tweens chillin' at Sears wearing sideways caps and skateboarding through hallways at schools/malls "rocking" to the not too loud soundtrack provided by the Walt Disney company.

Michael Jackson will be honored by every person in the room who stole his moves, kissed his ass and dropped him like a Hot Pocket during his alleged "diddling phase".

Katy Perry will lip sync into a plastic banana, fuck up the words,grab her crotch and I will melt..drifting off and wishing I was a banana.

At around 11pm, after being inundated with hip hop flavoring in every commercial/segment/back up band/wardrobe change/nominee and acceptance speech...I will suddenly be washed over with a change of heart, drop my pretty playa hatin' machine and embrace the fun, the quality and the overall educationally influential message of hip hop...be brought to tears by the eloquence and importance of any one with a Single consenant or a 'Lil in front of their name and see God in every rhyme...feel the future in every slick beat........then be woken up by a cat licking his balls next to me.

Oh the kingdom, and the power and the glory of music....

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Nothing Rhymes With Angst

Would You Rather:

Listen to only Gene Simmons or only Glen Beck for the rest of your life?

Speak in auto tune or have tourettes for the rest of your life?

Have to Read only Danielle Steel or only Star magazine " "?

Get free tickets to only Steve Miller band concerts for life or work for Live Nation "" ""?

Spend a day with a swine flu stricken Gwen Stefani or Madonna with horrible B.O and a chin boil?

Be the best ukelele player in the world or have a voice like Freddy Mercury but no teeth and a scarily protruding Adam's apple?

See the Gosselins or the Duggars or Octomom shipped off to a country where you are punished for having more than 4 children or be happy for them?

Live without ever seeing Bret Michael's do rags or Lil Waynes teeth?

Spend an entire drunken night with Angelina while wearing only a sopping wet and full pair of Depends or Brad Pitt while wearing only an over padded bra and Granny panties?

Get a lifetime supply of turtle wax or a lifetime membership to the Blink- 182 fan club?

Go backstage with the Stones in 1972 or on stage with the Stones in 2009?

Tell Jay Z his wife is butt ugly or spray paint "you suck donkey balls" on Kid Rock's American flag?

Push a button and be able to disintegrate Tila Tequila,Posh Spice, the cast of Gossip Girl, Nicole Richie,Simon Cowell,Gwyneth Paltrow and hubby,any future cast member of Dancing With the Stars, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, the creative director of VH1,Jennifer Aniston, Mario Lopez,Tom Brady,Ryan Seacrest, Tyra Banks,Ellen Degenerate, Chris Brown, anyone with "Lil" in their name, anyone walking around a mall sweating and wearing a trenchcoat, any postal worker who "will take their time, like it or not", any two people who take up more than six feet of sidewalk space, any grown woman who brings a child to a 10pm R rated movie, anyone who throws a wrapper out a car window, any Three Doors Down/Seven Mary Three/Third Eye Blind/Three Days Grace/Four Non Blondes/Five For Fighting/311/Matchbox 20 fan, anyone still wearing a tie dye anything for any reason, anyone with a dreamcatcher hanging from their rear view mirror, anyone with a "visualize whirled peas" bumper sticker",anyone besides a catcher on an MLB team wearing a baseball hat backwards or to the side, anyone with bangs, anyone using a pit bull or an obscenely loud car stereo as a substitute for a tiny dick, anyone using a guitar with a color other than black, white, gray, silver, clear, wood grain,bright orange or sunburst, any one who has a neck tattoo or love/hate letters tattooed on their knuckles, any human who texts more than they talk yet never think before they speak........or be blind, deaf and dumb/ not born yet?

Read Circle of Fits or the Drudge Report every day?

Tell Seano to stop his bitching, don't sweat the small stuff(everything I just wrote) and stop and smell the roses/glove/gasoline or let whomever deserves it, have it?

Toodles, seano

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

The Best Mixtapes I Ever Made

I am torn...I have very carefully stored most of my old cassette mixtapes and when I am shuffling through a pyramid like shelving unit in our kitchen and see all of them and pull them out to glance at the tracks, I am transported, like most of you out there who have mixtapes of your own, to the times and places of the past and the sweat and emotion that went into planning each one, the sequence of songs and such.

There are entire websites devoted to the mixtape era(cassettefrommyex.com)out there. Its like a lost art form that has been buried under the guise of ease and the crushing influence of technology.....I am hesitant to convert my mixtapes into mere "Playlists" that can be whipped up like an afterthought between the download and the lawsuit, stored on the device of your choice and filed away among 11000 songs and videos.

I don't think cassettes will ever catch on again on the nostalgic backside. The vinyl afterlife has been prolonged by DJs, baby booming anti digital disgruntled luddites, and those crazy kids who like cool old things like turntables, roller derby and kickball. besides...cassettes didn't sound great like a warm blanket of vinyl did...they were portable from walkman to Alpine in the 80s-early 90s. They got the job done. They fit in your jean jacket.

So as I ponder trying to find all of the tracks from my fav mixtapes in a digital format ...I thought we could share some of our best work with each other.... I named all of mine and titles are included. If you don't know the artists and really wanna know...contact me.

From 1992 Feathers on Your Feet Maxell XLII 100

I've Got A Feeling
Crazy Love
You Don't Have To Cry
Look Out For My Love
The Love Song
Murder Tonight In the Trailer Park
Here Comes Sunshine
I Don't Want to Know
Hissing Of Summer Lawns
Lost Paraguayos
Thorn Tree In The Garden
Aint Wastin Time No More
For No One

Sing A Simple Song
I Would For You
Boogie On Reggae Woman
Fields Of Joy
Although The Sun Is Shining
Haitian Divorce
Tell me That it Isn't True
Ten Years Gone
Come Down In Time
Running to Stand Still

The feeling is immediate: Martha's Vineyard on a deck, swordfish steaks, cusp of summer

From 1993 Semi Goosebump Blues TDK SA90
Let It Loose
Three Days
Dead cats Dead Rats/Break On Thru
Sister Luck
New Mama
Gasoline Alley

Call The Doctor
Loud Love
Leave My Blues At Home
Lord of the Thighs
Sea of Joy
I Need Some Money
Hear My Train a Comin'
Baboom/Mama Said
Torn and Frayed
Love at First Feel

The vision is clear: late night basement beer after delivering pizzas, Mazda truck seats smelling like long gone pepperoni.

From 1994 Illuminated Down TDK SA90
The Old Laughing Lady
Court and Spark
Dreaming My Dreams With You
Black Peter
No Quarter
Late Night
Moonlight Mile

Tin Pan Alley
Under Stars
Cars Hiss By My Window
Am I Inside
Lisa Says
Kingdoms of Rain
Down Where the Drunkards Roll
My Dream

Flashing before my eyes: hitting bottom on a nightly basis, shrouded in down, back in my hometown and proudly wallowing.

Man...its powerful, the pull. I remember how the songs flowed and how I felt when I knew what was creeping up next. And the fact that tapes had two sides(like albums)you could almost assign a mood/attitude for each side . You could plan it out ahead of time with your perfectly executed sequence.

Itunes just cannot do that for you. But I want to preserve the spirit, the snapshot..before the tapes wither away or a natural disaster claims my shelving unit.

Share with me your creations...............thoughts.....advice.

Saturday, September 05, 2009

The Fuse is Lit

Like the title of the post says: This one ain't for the timid. This one ain't even for the people who know me and expect this kind of venom from miserable old me..I'm gonna sound like a cantankerous old coot who missed a day of his meds and left the trap door from his head to hell open....screws loose everywhere...wanting to hock loogies made of lava and strychnine at the world sort of mood....this high horse needs to be put down.

I have been away for a week again, up in NYC w/o a functioning fucking laptop and flat out refusing to sit at an internet cafe after some grimy tourist had been there trolling for bad broadway tickets and smelling like smoke.... just to post and complain about all of the little things in life that perturb me. So I'll do it on my labor day weekend vacation instead.

Ticketmaster/Live Nation: I am unloading the biggest angriest fuck you to this company today after failing to get Them Crooked Vulures tickets for the Philadelphia show on Oct. 12. Tickets went onsale at 10am today and I was there searching at 10:00000000000000000000000000000001 am TO NO AVAIL. NO CHANCE. OUT OF LUCK, BUCKO. Shot to the heart and you're to blame.

I'm sorry but there is NO WAY I should not have gotten through. THEM CROOKED VULTURES are not the Stones/U2/Springsteen/Phish or even Miley Jonas Cyrus and the High School Musicalists, OK!!! Them Crooked Vultures could not have sold out in less than one minute. Don't bullshit a bullshitter, Mr. Irving Azoff(look it up) and your foaming-at-the-mouth monopoly mongering flunkies!!!!!Fuck off! You allow scalpers with criminal line cracking software to digitally bully themselves in and jack all of the tickets and sell them on Stub Hub or Tickets Now at a maddening premium that only the sons and daughters of Hedge Fund managers can buy with Dad's credit card...pile all of their abysmally clueless turd gurgling friends into the Land Rover and down to the concert because its a scene...because somebody TWITTERED them to....because everyone in a one million mile radius is a blind and deaf lemming with the attention span of a fly post-windshield obliteration...with the attention span of 140 characters and a squat copped and a bedet cleanse. Fuck people. Stay away from most people, it's easier and there's less angry writing involved.

THE TRUE FANS LOSE with LIVE NATION/TICKETMASTER. THE FANS Will never win with a merger so preposterous as this. The fans should start staying home... Then artists will lose money from lack of regular tour revenue...unable to put a sixth car in the garage or feed a cadre of illegitimate kids and baby mamas...and will draw blood en masse at the Live Nation Headquarters. Irving Azoff will be de boweled in midtown Manhattan and stuffed with crumpled up "extra processing fee" printouts from a million rabid "customers" with blood in their eyes. His body will become a pyre of pyres for the true fans(survivors) to gather at once a year decades from now to mark the emancipation from Live Nation holiday that will become a US pastime three years from now coinciding with the much warned about end of days taken from the ancient Mayan Calendar. Those left on earth after the Apocalypse or War of Greed as it will be known will always point to the Live Nation/Ticketmaster merger as the catalyst or spark for the War Of Greed, just like Franz Ferdinand or Hitler or Dick Cheney were for the wars they are sparks of....

Yes, I do believe that if this happens to enough TRUE FANS of any band...who can't even get a fucking ticket to see that band in their own goddamn city unless they sell a kidney,win the gene lottery, pay a cretinous scalper or suck someone off on a casting couch or in a green room somewhere...that the built up anger between the haves(of Ticketmaster) and the have nots(the hardworking lay person) over this proposed merger could very well be the spark that starts WWIII !

I for one am ready for blood now. Where are my fucking SPARTANS????
First we start with an army of ninja like true fans armed with tasers to the tenth degree to surround the scalpers all stealth like at the shows. You've seen 'em. Just look for someone on a corner near a venue with dreadlocks and dirty jeans walking really fast at times....ambush his punk ass with some fine voltage to his tailbone or the back of his grimy neck and as the tickets fly out of his hands to be scooped up by a chosen re-distributor of our clan, you reach down with your hand hovering over his face cradling some fine red Krylon and spray "FACE VALUE, MOTHERFUCKER" all over his Patriots jersey. We redistribute the tickets through fan forums and blogs like this one, and notify those interested in our day of show ambush of a parking lot where they can get their face value tickets from the back of a mid nineties minivan.

We can do this. I know we can. Peaceful protest and parades are for pussies. No retreat! Get a seat!


This is our new rallying cry! We've got three years before 2012...I don't know about you, but I'm gonna get my kicks before the whole shithouse goes up in flames!!!!