Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Fuck The Kiss Army

"Kurt Cobain—no, that's one or two records, that's not enough. Amy Winehouse—that's one or two records, that's not enough. What, just 'cause you died that makes you an icon? No, no."

That's a quote from Chaim Weitz...a no talent schlock master, a perennial suckwad.. and the only person on earth with more ego and worse hair than Donald Trump. His "act" (certainly not a band) Kiss was just inducted into the 2014 class of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I couldn't be more crushed, not because those ridiculous brain dead, nacho eating, acid washed jeans- wearing, knuckle dragging lowest common denominator tool and dye guys called the Kiss Army voted them in this year.....But because they'll be inducted on the same night as a game changing, legendary band like Nirvana.

See the above quote again. This act is a product, a sham, a revolving door replaceable- membered caricature of itself existing only for product placement(get your Kiss tampons, here ladies!!.Comes with the same blood packets Chaim uses on stage!!!) and background music at back alley strip joints and bowling leagues. For Chaim Simmons to open his mouth to even have the Schwetty balls to mock Nirvana as not worthy(did the same with Foo Fighters)..is pathetic heresy..and should be punishable by having him stick that pointed tongue of his right up his own quivering, pouting, almost geriatric asshole an hour after catered burritos at a Kiss show on a hot July day. Right after he takes his squirrel wig off.

This is manufactured group that stole Alice Cooper's entire act,   gave us 2 and a half chords per song and prize winning lyrical content like "Lick it up, Lick it Up...Oh, Oh, Oh,"....and who could forget their earth shattering endeavors like "Music From the Elder, "God gave Rock and Roll to You" and Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park..a movie even Ed Wood would laugh at. Speaking of laughs..if you want a few..check out Stanley(Paul) Eisen's classic phoned in stage banter HERE: https://soundcloud.com/christopher-armes/45-minutes-of-paul-stanley

They've had more members than both the Polyphonic Spree and/or the Vienna Boys Choir and claim that once Chaim and Stanley get too old, even they will replace their characters with new members, finally becoming the first act to become a tribute act of themselves.

You wanted the best, you got the best, Rock Hall of Fame! Deep Purple, Yes, Thin Lizzy, King Crimson, The New York Dolls, The Runaways, Devo, Motorhead, and Iron Maiden thank you.



  1. Wait, how do you REALLY feel about it? :) One fact check - the top band winning the fan poll got ONE vote out of the 600 or so industry folks (previous inductees, Jan Wenner's friends and family, etc) who do the voting. So it wasn't really the great unwashed KISS Army. Feel however you want, there are literally thousands of guitarists who picked up the instrument after seeing KISS, and specifically Ace Frehley, back in the day (myself included).

  2. I agree. I never got KISS either. They were a band that let a gimmick overshadow their music and that's never a good thing. However, I do take issue with your assertion that Devo (just as much of a gimmick band as KISS) and the NY Dolls, a band no one but critics cared about, should be in. I do agree with you on Deep Purple and especially Yes. It all comes down to if Jann Wenner likes you.

  3. John Oate's mustache could kick Gene Simmon's wig's ass any day of the week.

    That being said, I do think that the influence of KISS is significant and even if their music sucks (and that is subjective to begin with) they do belong in the hall of fame.

  4. How many of you are putting your kiss ornaments on the tree? Still time to rush out and buy your kiss pointsettas!!

  5. Dude.I've read you way back in the day of Journalspace and still!....love your writing.Highly recommend you open a twitter account.You'll find quite the audience who likes the same things as you,like Devo, Kiss and on and on.Even the Kiss members.
    Happy New Year!