Friday, December 05, 2008

Top 5 Worst "Rock" Logos

There are plenty of lists of Greatest Rock Logos all over the internet. Most of them have the Rolling Stones Lip Logo, The Ramones-"Presidential Seal" and good old AC/DC on stale, how boring. Why not just call the list what it is...Most Reproduced, Chewed Up and Spit Out Rock T-shirt Icon, or Things You'll See For Sale at Target....come on people, have a little fun. Fun is pokin' fun and thats what I'm gonna do right here with this list of the Top 5 Worst "Rock" logos. I love putting the word "worst" right after "Top 5"...its fun. Here are my top 5 cringeworthy, head tilting band logos for all 'y'all.

#5)Blink-182 - Doesn't this just Scream "Meet Me at the Orange Julius"? What a stretch..piece together some letters of different fonts and sizes and lift an idea or two from REAL FUCKING PUNKS the Sex Pistols...put it in perfect black and white to fit really rad on a 12 year old's skateboard like a perfectly marketed ad for mediocrity...and you have the Blink 182 logo. When I run out of things to hate about this band I'll quit this blog. So plan on having me around for the next 175 years.

#4)Dislimb- There were thousands of Death Metal/Grindcore/Speed Metal/Whatever Metal logos to choose from. But I chose the one that took me the longest to read/comprehend. I don't even know if Dislimb is a word...does it mean: to remove appendages gently while rocking a baby to sleep or campaigning for world peace and/or freeing Tibet? Who knows but this logo looks like Pig's blood or Karo Syrup flung against a wall from the high chair of young Beelzebub.

#3)Saliva- This logo makes me want to wash my hands..make a more focused effort to improve my hygiene..Tomorrow I will finally start flossing. These obviously disenfranchised and disillusioned (read:slow) boys from Tennessee decided to name their band after the stuff drool is made of...the stuff that oozes out of the corners of their mouths while in the VIP section of the hottest club in ladies with complete sets of teeth walk by in glittery skirts and bruised knees. This logo is west coast porn DVD cover font meets the dirty south.

#2)AFI- This pop punk meets suburban goth band from CA chose flattened dead bunnies to circle their logo. It looks like an overhead battleground shot from Watership Down. Why bunnies? Why did you have to remind me of the evil bunnies that beat up on the soft fluffy bunnies of the world? What the fuck does this have to do with AFI?

#1) Van Hagar- Yes, Van Halen- lite for those of you in the know. When Van Halen switched flowing from the perfect endless wave that was David Lee Roth to the dead puddle of dumpster juice that was Sammy Hagar they had to go and change the best rock logo of all time to some kind of planet hugging gilded tiara- looking thing that looks like one of Wonder Woman's rejected helmets, winning the "If It Ain't Broke" award every year from 1985-2008. Welcome back Diamond if you could just straighten out the V and the H for me(so many ways you can read that one.)

honorable mentions: any logo that a graphic designer got paid for and used an existing font like type face (see Cheap Trick)...or just bolded up the letters of the bands name and called it art (see Jet, The Smiths, Green Day...and countless others)........anyway I'd love to hear your takes if you've got 'em. Stay strong!

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