I Am Ozzy: Ozzy on the Today Show

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Ozzy came out of the caves of "Darkness" (his and Sharon's Malibu beach house ) to start promotion on his new book I Am Ozzy. This morning he was interviewed by rock historian Meredith Viera on the Today Show.
You gotta love her first question, following an intro of  druggy, seedy bullet points and quotes from his life and the book: "How are you alive?"  What an excellent journalistic approach! Hurray ratings! Yes we all know the stories, but I am still amazed that sensationalist interviews like this one still cater to the masses who know Ozzy for his bat biting, his incoherent mumbling and his reality show. Wouldn't it have been cool for Meredith to whip out a copy of  Masters of Reality and ask him to sign it?! Or maybe ask him whom he liked better, Randy or Tony? Yeah, but that isn't giving the people what they want, right?  They want the drugs and the sex...but not the rock and roll.

I am also perplexed as to why Ozzy felt it was time for his tell all? Believe me, after seeing this interview(which does him no favors..stumble. mumble. no clue, etc.)I'll have to read it just to get some sort of answer out of him. Maybe, at this time in his life, as clean and clear headed? as he is, it was the first time he could detail his escapades and excess with clarity, albeit with a ghost writer who doubled as a translator. He certainly doesn't need the money. But we all know that redheaded puppetmaster who shares 5 houses with him DOES.

Is it promotion for something else? Another round of Ozzfest? A new album(his first w/o Zakk Wylde in many years). Neither were mentioned. But they have a second camera on Sharon (of course) who looks like a  plasticine carnival barker wherever she goes..

But what about the music??????

Not Today...Not tomorrow either.

Tonight's Show: Nick Oliveri

I plan on leaving the house this evening for the first time in almost a week to see a show. No it's not a local dinner theater production of You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown or an anger management support group...and yes, I know there's football on. But Nick Oliveri is coming to Philly and I'm going to review the show and kiss his ass.
Nick Oliveri is a badass bass player and one of the most crazed and colorful characters in rock. For those of you who don't know..he was in the best(and one of the first) stoner rock bands of all time, Kyuss.He left in 1992 Then he shaved his head, grew an award winning billy goat beard and followed fellow Kyuss-er Josh Homme into a little band called Queens of the Stone Age. His reckless attitude, bottom end and very physical bass playing contributed to spectacular Queens songs like "Autopilot", "Gonna Leave You" and "Tension Head", all of which he had a hand or more in writing. He stayed on thru the Songs for the Deaf album. Josh kicked him out for rumored reasons that span from drug abuse to physical abuse.  In my opinion(and a shitload of purists as well) QOTSA, has never been the same.
The dude keeps busy, though. He started his own band Mondo Generator, played/plays bass in the Dwarves, Moistboyz(great Ween side project) and another LA band called the Knives.  Nick has also been on a couple "solo/acoustic" tours where he plays guitar and croons his way through his catalog. Tonight he again plays wicked troubador in support of his latest album in a label jumping career called Death Acoustic.

I will be swaying along to his tender jams with all of the other temper and alcohol fueled fans up front. With a little liquid courage, I might have him autograph my boob.

Here's Nick teaching us how to play the great druggie anthem "Autopilot"..

Bye Bye Conan, Its Been a Sweet Love

Conan's 'Freebird' Farewell - A funny movie is a click away
A fitting end to the late night debacle. Thanks to Billy, Beck and Ben 'fer showin' up, too.
If you're a fan of Jay Leno..you ain't no fan 'a mine. If you want to talk of fishin', well I guess that'll be OK.
Thanks to whoever told Will to wear the Tonight's the Night shirt,  now that's some authenticity for  y'all.
Thanks Conan, 'fer the laughter and the tears and that great solo at the end, let 'er rip!

The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

The lack of beer on the premises and the shooting pain down the back of my neck sure make a blogger surly.
Crank City,man.
Corn Flakes done been pissed in.
All bunged up with no place to go. 
Powder Keg with a wet wick, I am.
Yet in the world that turns on a spit above flames around me...there is so much to look forward to and think about...Like:
I just read an article that sitting too much may lead to cancer...

Lilith Fair is returning..maybe Ellen can host that too w/hecklers yelling "Closer to Fine!!" instead of "Freebird!!"

In Massachussetts, they now have a new excuse to hunt for witches..errr voters.

Yoko Ono is putting the Plastic Ono Band back together...that's a great idea...nothing missing there....

Joe Perry is a restless idiot who should make that shitty hot sauce of his taste better than burnt leather rather than "audition new singers for Aerosmith". Go sit on your pile of money and noodle the blues until that hip heals, Joe.

Beyonce farts Black Eyed Peas and gets nominated for a Grammy......

Ronnie James Dio still has cancer and  Vampire Weekend are healthy with a #1 album.....

Peter Gabriel's so busy being dull, irrelevant and solipsistic that he wont join Genesis at their RRHOF induction..

There are millions of  lemmings in connection cities who don't know what comedy is that made the Tonight Show's ratings so high when Jay was there.....who laugh when a cow moos or a kitten jumps.

What the fuck is "fist bumping" doing in my universe......

Nobody is taking "Pants on the Ground" seriously...we're tired of seeing your whole underwear-ed ass hanging out while you walk, you dumb thugz...it does make it easier for the police to catch you,though...

I heard a U2 song about heroin addiction used for a Nascar ad...those ad guys don't read lyrics and those U2 guys don't care...Next up they'll use "Beautiful Day" for a Donate to Haiti  Red Cross commercial.

There's an empty head named Kardashian on every magazine cover but nobody knows who Carey Mulligan or Saoirse Ronan are...

and finally, a federal judge reduced a fine levied on an "illegal downloader" by the RIAA from 1.92 million to 54,000 dollars. Meanwhile...ringtone sales keep going up with killer songs like "Kiss Me Thru the Phone" by the genius known as Soulja Boy....but stop downloading, kids!

That Settles It, I'm THERE!

I just pinched myself, and I ain't dreamin! It seems that Coachella line up that I blogged about was all farcical...tomfoolery I tell you! Complete B.S! This one is the real deal, good people.... and my flight is booked. Hell...I would walk across a post apocalyptic wasteland of a country in high heels with a target spray painted on my chest..I would do cartwheels all the way from here to the left coast with rusty razorblades between my toes and leeches in my speedo just for the chance to see Marky Mark! Hell, he's the one remaining person I still like that's from Massachussetts! 
And I've been saving my diamond studded doo- rag to wear in hopes of seeing Gerardo again one day. Dios Mios mis suaves! My dreams have been answered!
Ashley Simpson AND Enya on the same weekend.? Shit damn...lets sail away right now, friends! Who needs Ambien?!
Break out the glow sticks, the tie dies, the fanny packs, the "mandals " and the wine coolers....let's hit the road!