Friday, June 12, 2009

Memo to Hambert: Crawl Back In

Memo to Adam Lambert and the editors of Rolling Stone: Listen, you mediocre broadway has- been poseur-tastic twit: You've got nothing on Fred Mercury, Rob Halford, Alice Cooper, Marilyn Manson, David Bowie, Marc Bolan, Iggy Pop, Robert Smith, Jim Morrison or any other groundbreaking, androgynous ambiguous super talented rock star.You've got nothing on any hard working invisible chorus member of any broadway show in history....

You're a Liberace wannabe(or just a faux glittery understudy) with great hair and make up skills and would be perfectly suited for being a choir member in a south Florida dinner theatre troupe. You're nada, nothing and why RS editor ROB Sheffield(WHO FAWNS OVER YOU) pushed to get you on the cover of RS with your glistening chest hair and perfectly placed snake, befuddles me. Maybe he wants your autograph with a lipstick stamp on it. Perfect bottom of the Bird Cage material. Ugh. Feh! Ewwww! Hurl!

You might see if anyone has interest in putting together a modern version of the Village People, or see if there's a meeting for Famewhores Anonymous near you. Or you could grow your hair out(or get extensions) and join a really off broadway version of Edward Scissorhands Live playing in Peoria or Davenport or Columbus.

Go tip toe through the tulips right into a wall. I hope you chip a tooth and cry about it to the hordes of limp lemmings who worship your hoots, shrills and pompous stage moaning.

I'm cranky today and I don't like you...go back to the glory hole from which you came.


  1. Agreed. What happened to paying dues? On the bright side, the posers that do televised karaoke usually have a career that (thankfully) doesn't make it past 14 min 59 sec. No soul, no creativity.

  2. Seano, don't mince words. How do you REALLY feel?

  3. Uh, I am afraid to say I like Adam cause you may de-friend me!!!!! :) But I do! There's just something about him.

    Can I just point out that times have changed drastically since the greats like Jim, Freddie, Marc, David etc. hit the scene. Like it or not in today's world of YouTube, American Idol, the entire Internet...fame comes differently to people, its not the same as the good old days. Now I lost my train of thought and the point I was making. Maybe I made it? I don't know