Sunday, September 12, 2010

All Of My Best VMA Tweets Right Here

I'd like to give Justin Bieber a swirlie until the bubbles stop.

I don't know who the fuck Nikki Minaj is, but she must have all custom made toilets in her house. You could fit several swing sets into her back yard. Those are massive cheeks...makes J Lo look like a piker.

Why is Will-I'm Not dressed like a tar baby?

Commercial for Vagisil right after Shaq stuffs a ball through a hoop.

Kesha is wearing a garbage bag..but it failed to reach all the way to her head. I wonder if she'll leave the awards with wads of gum and tampon wrappers stuck to her.

The whole concept of hip hop as a live performance is ridiculous. Eminem with a full orchestra??? Does that help his drama get sold better? So you had a pill problem, who gives a shit. Keith Richards never sang about his "recovery". He didn't need to. All hip hop is false drama, with jewelry. On teef.

Ellen Degenital-less definitely has an extensive strap-on collection.

Lady Gaga does ask, and does tell.

Best Rock the tradition of best rock videos, joining Guns and Roses, Nirvana and now 30 seconds to mars.............release the crickets.

I'm watching this Bieber kid...this semi gloss caricature of a human being....lets think back to when we were thirteen....this kid would have been skinned alive on his way to school, we were new teens listening to AC DC and Led Zeppelin..not practicing our disney boy band dance moves and grooming our rat tails ....I'm sure even the girls who had teen idols back then would have thought he was a pussy. Not worthy of a name etched on a textbook cover(right next to Duran Duran).. I've had it. I want all children beTWEEN the ages of 11 and 15 to be quarantined on an island not yet featured on a reality show and forcibly caned if they pick up any smartphone, ipod or X box. I want them to be forced to read nothing but philosophy, poetry, Philip K. Dick, Psychotic Reactions and Carburator Dung, Please Kill Me, The Dirt, Geek Love and the Dharma Bums. Lock up your tweens. They're tearing us the fuck apart.

Florence and the Machine-great voice...but Kate Bush, Stevie Nicks and Beth Orton already did it. She's wearing slightly longer curtains. Shit why does everyone need so many fucking DANCERS? WHY IS AMERICA DANCE CRAZY? WHY ARE YOU MOVING. SIT FUCKING STILL.


oh no not another painfully weak and off key song from taylor swift. who signed this trailer park 7th place karaoke performer? Show yourself. Then show yourself out. I found myself crossing my bruised fingers(from punching the wall)and praying for autotune. Her hair got that curly from the static of wrong notes.

Drake Canadian...whats with the ebonics? These rhymes are not poetry, more like verbal diarrhea. Soul-less skankness could use a good douching. All repetitive rhythm , no soul. Rappers wave their hands because they have no instruments.

All these collaborations in pop hip hop reek of weakness. Not one part can stand on their own.. so patch in some aggressive rapper bling blang blung over a somber piano track and a sweetly sung chorus phoned in by a mall punk with cherry kool aid hair and you got a hit tailor made for the mediocre mass of manic mall rats racing around in aimless idoltry.

I'm done. Got my punches in. Gonna dream of clean things. Good things. Anything but Kanye. Better Days of the music behind this. 'gnight.


  1. The Canadian government was forced to publicly apologize today for Drake and especially for Justin Bieber. Tomorrow at noon, Bieber will be strung up on Parliament Hill, in our nation's capitol, as a crowd of blindfolded music fans get to beat him with baseball bats until all of the candy falls out.

    This also serves to appease the Snow God, who will then show his appreciation by shortening winter by one week.

    Drake's sentence is commuted to a week in a locked room, forced to listen to his own CD. By day three, he'll be begging to trade places with Bieber the human pinhata...

  2. I think that all of the weight that Madonna lost has now become Lady Gaga.