Yeah, its a good day for another rant. Why does this differ from any other day, those who are familiar with COF may ask? Because I'm blogging from a library. I'm now likened to one of those stumblebums who dig in ashtrays for spent butts, survive on a diet of happy meals and ripple...and spend most of their winter days in libraries...where they loaf around, pretending to read the paper(cmon, we all know they can't read) and magazines like Road and Track and Jet...but really they're just staying warm.
Look at all of the judging and profiling I just spewed out in that first paragraph..I should be ashamed of myself...Well, I would be..I would have more time to think about writing before I speak..1) If I was in my own home(which presently has no internet) 2) If I had my own laptop..which sadly, I no longer do because my 4 year old Toshiba finally shit the bed,chock full of virus,crackware and bloated with files I'll never use. So here I am, next to a fermenting bocephus with an orange smoke stained mustache and the sweat soaked rotting overcoat he lives in...
Cool...I just got "timed out" after forty five minutes of two- fingered tapping at one library, and now I am at my second library...I am draped in awesomeness today! Awesome! The scenery here is different, but the characters are similar...I love that the guy across from me is keeping time with his phlegm -hawking. Just about every minute and a half..his throat gets re- cleared and I lose further faith in humanity.....I should have sprayed hand sanitizer all over my body or donned a Hazmat suit....but I was too busy rushing to this library to get on a computer before Clem Clamshooter.
Forgive me if I'm off my game and years away from getting one of those fancy Tablets all of the geek squad is squabbling about. The only tablet I need has to be smuggled into the US via someone's low low lower intestine or bought in the same alley that my man to the right crawled out of this morning.
So let's RANT. How about a continuation of a lifelong thread I keep called "People in my Go-Away Dept."????
Today I'm all about that hollow headed non -entity, blank slate of a human called "Will I Am" from the "Black Eyed Peas". First he had the nerve to be expelled from his mother's uterus..and then he deemed himself an artist and found Stacy Ferguson(Fergie!??...Anyone more than 20 years old ever heard of The Duchess of York..Sarah Ferguson..the first and only Fergie? Couldn't come up with anything original, Stace? She's royalty motherfucker!) snorting unpure meth in an LA Red Roof Inn room somewhere and blubbering about her failed foray into Pop with Wild Orchid (or Bloody Rose or whatever the fuck it was) and asks her to join his "band"..gets two other individuals with fresh grooves and fauhawks , who are wasting space just poppin' and lockin' and doin' nothin' else... Then Mr. I AM writes a bevvy of awful, soul-less, lowest common denominator "hits" that people sing and ringtone to death during stressless times in life like these...which are apparently symmetrical with Pepsi commercials.
......and all of the sudden this fool has the "respect" of the legitimate "rock" community. He says no to nothing. He has fucked with Dylan's "Forever Young" in an ad for soda. He co-wrote(that's fucking hilarious)a song on the latest U2 album( c'mon Bono, are you that desperate to stay relevant? This guy writes lyrics that come to him while he's tweeting on the toilet. He can poop out two songs with every trip to the bowl).
And now..today I read here http://www.rollingstone.com/rockdaily/index.php/2010/01/27/will-i-am-slash-remix-the-whos-my-generation-for-super-bowl/ that he's now working with Slash( Slash, please say no to something...stop it already..we don't care about a GnR reunion, we don't give a flying puke about Velvet Revulva..don't be sad..but are you really this bored and worried about keeping your name out there waiting for the next call from a "producer" to remix.....wait for it...The Who's- My Generation.
Let me guess..this song was "broken" very dated...and somebody chose Wil I Am to revamp and update it for a new generation.of Pepsi drinkin', poppin and lockin'. textin tweens..yea,yea yea..thats what I'm talkin' 'bout.!!!! He even says in the article that he altered the lyric to fit his generation now. Who the fuck knew that he was the poster child for taste and substance and music for me and my tweetin' poppin', lockin' peeps? OR ANY GENERATION. He writes songs that roll around peoples heads like superballs...just bouncing endlessly into stray thoughts while they hop around a club hyped up on red bull and vodka, fist pumping until their spray on tans get sweated off and they look like vitilago victims...I picture Mr. I Am busting out his genius as a knob twiddler "Yo..Slash we need a hot solo with way too many notes right about here, yo."
This song is about saying FUCK YOU to all of the people who may disagree with your beliefs, preferences,dress,music, etc. It's about taking pride in rebelling against the MASSES....and Pete Townshend knows it.(another guy who says no to nothing) And he picked Wil I AM to softball it up to the mall shopping lemmings at the fucking Super Bowl....???!!! With 50 million drunk and bloated sheep watching from home? Am I fucking dreaming??? Cue the fireworks during Slashes solo. Drink your sugary drink..cue the cheerleaders juxtaposed with Roger Daltrey's mic swirl..and scene.. I don't care if the money goes to Haiti...pick a fucking Mariah Carey hackjob ballad and lay off my WHO.
This is one of those songs that SHOULD NEVER BE TOUCHED.....ever. No remix, retouch, re-do, update...no NOTHING. And Will I Am is a purveyor of NOTHING. He's like a substitute for saccharine..flipping the peace sign from behind that fedora...auto-tuning another dead air anthem.
And my time is up at the library again......where people do everything but read books.