Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Road Warriors

One of my favorite Bang Camaro songs is Life is Hard On the Road. Lead guitarist and co-founder Bryn Bennett tells me that the lyrics in the song are all true. There's a line in there that says they once had to use merch money to bail out a band member and to me, that is a classic road story.

So far(and brothers and sisters,its EARLY)we've had a few lyric worthy incidents that I've filed away on our travels.Yesterday we hit three states...traversing through Louisiana,Mississippi and Alabama.I had that ole' lyric "The south's gonna do it again!" in my head on the way.

The south is a strange and wonderful place with characters that you just happen upon while driving next to them at 70 miles an hour. Yesterday we were motoring along...and to our left is a dirty white Buick Lesabre with a portly woman with bad sunglasses and two jiggly chins at the wheel. A closer look inside the car that had an empty child seat, a blanket of Dorito bags, and a plethora of empty bottles revealed that the woman was driving SANS PANTS.
If that wasn't enough to set the entire van ablaze with guffaws and rubbernecking...we then see her arm reach down to her sweaty nether region for a scratch? No...too long for a scratch. A friendly midmorning urge to diddle herself while driving? No...her hand came up too soon. An emergency tampon on the way to work at the Shoney's up the road? No...again...that hand came up too soon. But...the next time that hand went down it had one of those empty bottles in it.
Yes....Yes...Yes!!!! Our protagonist was pedal to the metal while going potty in a bottle!!!! WOW. The van just erupted in disgust and comraderie for having witnessed such an event. Personally, I had no idea that that was possible for a woman to do!! IN A BOTTLE? ONE HANDED WHILE DRIVING? You get an A for effort, honey pie! Look for yourself on a YouTube video real soon under the title PEE BRAIN.

Now if your at your cubby reading this with a bagel and schmear on its way back up or nearby I apologize. But this story had to be told. I also saw Pete McCarthy(drummer extraordinaire) eat pickled pigs lips at a rest stop somewhere in Mississippi...Pete eats anything. God bless him. If we ended up off road stranded in a snowdrift,desert or jungle, Pete would be sole survivor. Dining on pickled toes of passed band members, fermenting ravioli and roots and berries. More Road Stories to come.....Today we wake up in a wooded compound right inside the Georgia border that happens to be owned by the wonderful mother of band member(and lead singer) Glen. Not just any woman welcomes 13 greasy rockers into her home late at night and then makes us pizza after pizza and feeds us while we shake off the road dirt and relax. Kudos to her and her bass playing boyfriend! Its on to Atlanta now. A place I once lived for a year and a half from '92 to'93.....and left in a horrible fury after a nasty heartbreak on multiple levels. Haven't been back since....The south's gonna do it again.!

1 comment:

  1. Um, I don't know what grossed me out more - the lady in the LaSabre or the pickled pick lips. You're making this stuff up right? :)

    Keep rawkin....and gawkin...and filling us in! I love being on the road vicariously with you and the band! (I don't think I could survive it in real life)