Game 6 is on tonight..Here in Philly being a Yankee fan is about as fun as being gay in Maine...so I stay home and watch baseball here where I can pace in my living room. I think often about filling my mouth with leftover pumpkin seeds and chewing them up and spit throttling them all over my own personal "dugout" here, but it would be horrific to pick 'em out of the carpet after the 9th inning.
The camera often pans the crowd and, when at Yankee Stadium, a plethora of fair weather celebri-fans...like Kate Hudson, who happens to be greasing up A-Rods bat regularly these days, are shown in the stands wearing oversized Yankee gear and spewing out faux cheer. Makes me freakin' ill, it does. Boy she has really gotten around, hasn't she...which got me thinking, and inspired me to come up with today's list..The Best/Worst Rock Girlfriends/Wives(yeah, she's on there) . Not much where and why on this one....just the facts, ma'am.
5) Joan Baez/ Bob Dylan- Joan kept his folk in check and inspired some of his wordiest brilliance....everyone after her just made him cranky, made him find religion and made him mumble more.
4) Linda McCartney/Paul McCartney-For the most part, she kept Paul a family man, and they were only apart for one evening during their 20 plus years together..she was in his band and graciously accepted that her voice should be kept WAY Down in the mix....that's teamwork, THAT'S love.
3) June Carter/Johnny Cash- June, an accomplished singer and songwriter long before she was a cash.. took no mess, co- wrote "Ring of Fire" and then lived it through with Johnny...she also got him off drugs and booze and back to some of the most productive years of his life. He obviously could not live w/o her since they died 5 months apart in 2003.
2) Paulina Porizkova/Rik Ocasek- One of the most beautiful dames in her day...could have had ANYBODY and chose one of the most hideous men in rock...and she's still with him. Either he has a magic penis(I'm sure that's what "Magic " was about) or she has a heart of infinite measure.
1) Patti Boyd/ George Harrison/Eric Clapton- Patti Boyd has dumped a Beatle, had a fling with a Stone,broken up a couple marriages, sent guitarists into heroin fueled tailspins and was a major cause of pain for 2 of the greatest rock guys(maybe more)....BUT, name me ONE other rock wife/girlfriend with 2 of the greatest classic rock songs of all time written about her and several more just OK ones)...Lets see...Layla, Something, Wonderful Tonight, Bell Bottom Blues, For You Blue....Shit! Damn! Doesn't it make you want to see what she's got goin' on down there? I don't know about now..she's, like a grandma...but back then, she looked like this
5) Kate Hudson/Chris Robinson...and who knows who else. Kate falls in love like I change underwear, frequently and when things are no longer fresh. She's fickle..she probably caused Rich to hate Chris even more, named her son after a Grateful Dead song she probably never heard and she lays it down often for pretty much anyone(actors,musicians,ball players, pipe fitters, rickshaw drivers, eunuchs)...Kate, dear... less fucking, more acting, Kay?
4) Susan Silver/ Chris Cornell- Cornell's ex wife Susan used to manage Alice in Chains and Soundgarden and went bonkers soon after she and Chris split up....forcing the other Soundgarden members to conspire against Chris and refusing to give him his numerous guitars, two grammys, demo tapes and journals from the house they shared in Seattle. Lots of lawsuits drove Chris crazy enough to join Audioslave and befriend Timberland, thus making his legacy really soft in the middle.
3) Janna Lapidus/SRV- Janna was Stevie's girlfriend in 1990 and was so goddamn needy and co-dependant that she made him take a helicopter after a concert in Wisconsin to reunite with her in Chicago instead of taking the 2 and a half hour drive with his brother Jimmie....the rest is history.
2) Sharon Osbourne/Ozzy- Sharon needs a bigger house than the one she had last week and another full time hairdresser for her seventh dog so she keeps pushing Ozzy out the door and onto the stage and counts the money as he drools and tremors through "Mama I'm Coming Home" for the hundred millionth time.
1) Yoko/John- Was there any doubt that she would be my number one worst mate?...a billion people can't be wrong, if you think I am. If you read any Beatle's bio or history..which have varying accounts of the end/demise of the greatest band ever...there is ONE constant in all of them....and that's YOKO. She showed up in Abbey Road's Studio 3 in 1968 during the White Album sessions... and never left...the ONLY outsider ever to be allowed in(albeit by a strung out,disillusioned, angry, nervous John Lennon). If that didn't suck enough for the others, she started putting her "art school" two cents in....poor John...if he only could have come out of his anxiety ridden thought processes, he might have figured out that 1) Avant garde really means "too hip for the room". 2) Scream therapy wasn't going to bring his mother back 3) Yoko was NEVER a musician and his "Lost Weekend" should have started in 1968 and never ended.
Honorable mentions : Nancy Spungen/Sid, Tawny Kitaen/Coverdale, Erin Everly/Axl, Pamela Courson/Jim Morrison.
Boy I would love to hear your two cents worth. Let's hold hands and do a little of our own scream therapy.