Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Nominees Schnominees....

The nominees for the 2009 Rock and Roll Hall of fame are in and once again.I have two fingers caressing the very back of my tongue hoping to bring not just my swordfish dinner back up, but also everything I've learned about music...I'm disgusted...with the process nobody knows about..with the multi-platinum passing over the pioneers...and with the GENRES THAT SHOULD NOT BE INCLUDED.

This years group includes Metallica, The Stooges, Run DMC, Jeff Beck, Bobby Womack, Wanda Jackson, Little Anthony and the Imperials,Chic and War.

Deep breaths....collecting my shakras(I just dropped them)...throwing my ADIDAS in the garbage....Please tell me WHY RAP and DISCO ARTISTS are being considered for the ROCK and ROLL Hall of Fame?!!!?.....I am a somewhat patient man...just ask my friend GG and he'll tell you that I love all music and all people...and if you believe that I'll let you see my P Diddy tattoo that starts at my midriff and ends at my taint. First Grandmaster Flash, now Run DMC....RUN DMC...yeah, Its Tricky and Mary,Mary were absolute anthems...all the ROCK guys were lost in their bedrooms for hours learning My ADIDAS on their Gibsons....they along with Aerosmith(a great band makes a huge mistake)created RAP ROCK and western civilization continued its slow slide into purgatory right next to Violin rock(Kansas, Charlie Daniels) and Cop Rock(Bocchco mindfarts)...and Riverdance.

Tell me this...would you ever see Led Zeppelin or U2 or The Police any ROCK band for that matter in a future(BECAUSE YOU KNOW THERE WILL HAVE TO BE ONE) Hip Hop Hall of Fame.??..Absolutely Not. 99% of the dreaded hip hop nation fucking hates rock and roll....and those who say they dig it are lying. They conquered the demographic they were never looking for in the first place and have been laughing all the way to the bank since the late 90s and frankly...I've had enough....I've said it once and I'll say it again....hip hop will never be music to me. Its lazy blunt smoking people who talk about their faux troubles, rims and shorties rhythmically and call themselves poets and have never even heard of Dylan Thomas, Richard Brautigan, or even Robert fucking Frost. Now we open the door for Who? Salt N Pepa? Kid N Play?..Naughty By Nature? NWA? QUEEN FUCKING LATIFAH???? Does that numbskull Flava Flav need any more attention? Do we need to be dumbed down any more for christ's sake?!!! Pull up your pants and get the fuck off my stage.!

And then there's the problem with Metallica's first ballot induction....AHEM... There would be no Metallica without Iron Maiden...there would be no Iron Maiden without Judas Priest. Just because Metallica has a new album out and have sold more than their predecessors...you don't just open the door for them Janny Boy, you fruit.I understand their influence, I really do but make 'em sweat a little like Lars would at a drum clinic...cmon, now...THINK.

The Stooges were the first punk band of all time...rocketing out of Detroit in 1969 with Iggy Pop at the helm like a Meth-headed Morrison and never looking back....he's a legend among legends and should have been in a decade ago...BEFORE the Ramones...Before the fucking Talking Heads and before that roid head faux brit Madonna who's shat out songs Iggy and Co. performed last year.

Chic had two of the heaviest sampled,ultra cliched DISCO hits ever and they get in? 1-2 AWWWW Fuck Off!!! Didn't we fill a stadium of rock fans to watch a million disco albums get blown to smithereens into a vinyl cloud of goodbye back in the day? And now that glittered pompous dreck gets heralded? Why don't you just hand Gloria Gaynor and Donna Summer the keys to the fucking kingdom as well? If I ever see a pair of silver roller skates or a coke spoon on a chain again I'm gonna flog the nearest bridge and tunnel ex-54-er into submission.

Jeff Beck is one of the top five greatest living guitarists. Listen to Constipated Duck, Freeway Jam or Rock My Plimsoul and you tell me what the fuck he was doing. Genius.No pick needed. No singer either.

War, Bobby Womack, Wanda Jackson, Little Anthony.....before Bad Company,Alice Cooper, Rush, Yes, Cheap Trick, Iron Maiden, Judas Priest and Stevie Ray Vaughan? I think not....somebody out there not writing for Rolling Stone or shucking for Ahmet knows better....way better.

And answer me this.....who is really worthy of their name on the hall wall after 1993 anyway? Shouldn't all these shenanigans end around 2018 anyhow? Spare us the hair metal, the new wave, and the rap rock or I'm going to wither away like dry leaves on a hot day. Like a candle in the wind...like dust in the wind beneath my wings.....

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