Monday, September 15, 2008

The Truly Craptacular

Post Number two for this evening will have me continue on with the "miracle" of bad music. Here are five more glorious turds for anyone to try and polish.....Believe me, you can't.

12) Oasis- Champagne Supernova: Liam Gallagher gets the Please Knock My Crooked Teeth Out award. What a wad of shite this dude is. I'll never forgive him for kissing Beatle ass and then publicly dissing George Harrison. I love his stage presence, too. Sneering while he just stands there with his hands behind his back singing his brother Noel's stellar lyrics i.e. "slowly walking down the hall, faster than a cannonball..where were you while we were getting high." I know right where I was while you were getting high: I was watching the You tube video of that fantastic human who pushed you twits right off the stage last week and putting on the White Album and high fiving myself.

13) Jay Z- 99 Problems: How the fuck do you get Jay Z from the name Shawn Carter, anyway? How come everybody puts this alleged wordsmith on a pedestal? He needs one to climb up on Beyonce every night, thats for sure. But seriously.."99 problems and a bitch ain't one"...How eloquent, you misogynistic sack of shit. The fact that you are lauded for anything except Most Brutal Looks from the neck up, escapes me.

14) Vampire Weekend-Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa: Hey man, prep school is so boring..lets start a band. My Dad will buy us all the equipment we need and after I learn three or four chords and throw some quirky, smarter than you lyrics over those hacky drum beats...I'll think about singing later on..its not really a big deal...I'll just squeal and shriek over everything and those kids with the skinny jeans on the dean's list who know how to dance and text at the same time will love it. Your Dad owns that record company, right?

15)Korn-Got the Life: Rap Rock Pioneers. Three words that should never be spoken together again.

I dare you to talk me out of doing the last 25.

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