Thursday, September 11, 2008

Worse and Worser

Continuing with the 40 songs you would never see on any list but this one we have 5 more songs that are the equivalent of a sonic colonic. They leave you so polluted, you may need to cleanse yourself with some Beatles or Stones immediately after hearing them.

6) Jack Johnson- Upside Down: I'm guessing Jack was the guy in the frat out west in a beach town somewhere (where the kids all gathered round a campfire on the sand after a long day of pretending to know how to surf, but really just hitting the bong between long tanning sessions)who knew three chords and could play "No Woman No Cry" to a tee. He still only knows three chords, sings in a husky ganja whisper, and retreads the same tales of being good to earth and its good people to anyone who will listen. Apparently Dave Matthews fans have moved on to where the real good herb is in the dull smoked out grooves of a Hack Johnson CD.

7)Goo Goo Dolls- Name: First thing right off the bat- In the top worst Band names ever along with Three Doors Down and Anal Cunt(yes, thats real). Buffalo's own Goo Goos used to be a bad punk band but that Johnny Rzzzezznik had such a hunky hair over the eyes look that they had to switch to ballads to make their millions.An a million assholes bought it. This song Name is the worst of their sugar plum up your bum sap. "And I won't tell no-one your name." Your better off telling no-one that you like this song unless you want to destroy a perfectly good anything else.

8) Three Doors Down-Kryptonite: Another band you just can't allow to have any value, because they have a number in their name..4 Non Blondes, Seven Mary Three,Finger Eleven,Blink 182, Maroon 5....I'd like to do a little math and divide the total by the total and get nothin'......I cannot stand this band with their awful lyrics inspired by insipid nothingness and faux heartbreak and just don't fuck with Superman. Superman wouldn't be worrying about if somebody loved him or not if kryptonite was making him crazy, he'd just save the world and move on.

9) Creed- Arms Wide Open: The only thing I could think of when I saw this video of Squatt Stapp standing on that mountain top, wind blowing his wanna-be Morrison mane back, is how easy it would be for a sniper to hit him while he stood there with his arms wide open.

10) Usher- Yeah: Usher got his name because his Mama gave birth to him laughing out loud and talking through a matinee showing of Car Wash,along with the help of an Usher who was here when her water broke all over her popcorn and Fanta. Maybe, Maybe not but this song which has a string of casio blips tied together with him screaming "Yeah" 372 times over a dead club beat should have made it easy to usher him right out of the music business. But he's still here.

Thats all for this evening...could it get any better? No it cannot. It will not.
But it sure is fun.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous9:53 AM

    I am loving these lists, your Jack Johnson description was classic. I'm scared of seeing a song I like up here.. :-) - dph