Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The 2009 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Inductees

Well, Time to bitch and moan again. Time to call bullshit and sling mud at the moronic rock establishment. I know it's corporate posturing, I know in a lot of ways its just a fucking museum....but WHYYYYY? I am a common sense guy. Help those in need, love the one you're with, don't stand at the top of the subway stairs, don't have 16 items in the express check out lane, measure twice- cut once..and RESPECT your elders.
That Said....Here are the this years RRHOF and my rapid fire corrections to the old and in the way guys who run this thing.

Metallica- Sure. Metallica gets in. Sold too many t-shirts and provided too many pivotal jagermeister- flavored concert parking lot moments not to. But First Ballot? My point is.....In the Metal Family Tree, there is NO Metallica without Iron Maiden and Judas Priest..or even Motorhead! All Been around LONGER. Yeah, another metal band in finally, you say? I say respect the elders or the whole shebang reeks of shite. This head is not banging right now.

Run DMC- This is where the foundation vibrates...the girders start to sway and because of all of those non rock and roll shit hop crumbles on itself in a heap of fair and equal rainbow connective tissue. And the omnipresent need for shit hop to bleed into everything made of sweat, denim and steel is finally paid attention to. I call your bluff and raise you, Mr. Wenner and Co. Elvis wouldn't have it. Dylan wouldn't have it. Hell I bet Jimi wouldn't have it. I'm not having it. Say it with me...Rock and Roll! Now show me the Beatles or Nirvana on the fucking Soul Train awards and I'll shut up.

Wanda Jackson- I did my research. She was an Elvis era woman who played guitar and sang rough and ready. Check out Fujiyama Mama on You Tube. She's paid dues and was an obvious influence to women of all musical genres, even when the music establishment refused to let a woman break out. She stayed and played. She's long overdue.

Little Anthony and The Imperials- The obligatory romance with Doo Wop continues and this years pick is the vertically challenged Tony and his group of velvety vox-ed back ups. There is nothing we can doo wop to stop this trend so I will sing a little Tears on My Pillow as I cry myself to sleep. At least he didn't change his name to 'Lil Anthony.

Jeff Beck- Of Course! Thanks for noticing one of the three greatest living guitarists whose style is one of a kind and has never come close to being duplicated. He's only been around for 40 PLUS Years and can shit out every best lick of Clapton's with a mere thought. The coolest thing about Jeff Beck besides his playing is his brilliant arrogance. Why have a singer when its only going to get in the way of your fierce run of riff, your blur of fusion and shred? See Ya, Rod! Have fun drooling out those Standards!

And Finally..............No Stooges. Again. No Stooges. What, did Iggy hit on your boyfriend, Jann? Did he hawk a wad of spit on your Gucci Loafers?..Lets recount while we recoil.. First Punk band. Immeasurable influence..One of the best frontmen of all time....Performed at last years Ceremony FOR Madonna at her request...Shit even a not- worthy, over- ripped, over- 50 tart like herself knows greatness...I annoy myself by repeating all of this....and then Ron Asheton ups and dies and you give us RUN FUCKING DMC. No Fun...Baby..No Fun.

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