I'm not doing enough to help myself with my grief....my good days confuse me...I feel guilty for having them.....I'm not doing enough to protect my brother.my brother in law..
...my mother won't return my calls...everyone is reeling, coiling back into their shells....today I could have put some time into finding a therapist....I did not....I think back on some of the things people said to me after Meaghan's passing...."She's in a better place now"....No..she's in a different place, different than here...and nobody who is still here can tell me if "Heaven" is a better place...they've never BEEN THERE.
People say these things because they are absurdly religious...or they don't know what to say.....actually they should say nothing.....and just listen....let me talk it out....let me feel like Meaghan can hear me......
I don't have much else to say tonight. Grief wins over wit tonight....what tomorrow will bring..I just don't know.
It's amazing how similar your stream of thought was like our family's when my brother-in-law dies suddenly this February. To have typed that successfully is quite a feat.
ReplyDeleteI hate being in this club.
Peace.